Tag: stages of relationship development

How Do I Make My Relationship Stay Strong – 16 Ways

Is this article on ‘how do I make my relationship stay strong a marriage evaluation toolkit? What does that mean?

You are about to find out!

What season is your marriage in? Find out here.

You may have seen the catch phrase, “It’s the small moments that make life big,” plastered in a sentimental scrapbook or posted beside a baby photo on social media.

But have you ever taken the time to think carefully about the truth behind this statement?

We often work, labor, and stress to achieve the great moments: a vacation, a college degree, or a great milestone.

But we don’t often take the time to realize that each and everyday experience with our friends, spouses, and children are the stuff of life.

It takes more than just love to keep any relationship, especially a marriage relationship, strong and healthy.

Without the little gestures and consistent, persistent prayers, the big achievements will have no significance.

Click here for the enchanted 4-sentence prayer can give you boundless blessings in 7 days! Transformational!

Be spontaneous. Avoid being predictable.

Here are some small steps and gestures you can try every day and often to show your spouse that you love them.

These small gestures can save your marriage relationship.

They are simple and practicable.

Moreover, these gestures don’t take a lot of time or money.

Some of them will take just a second or two of your time.

You may also like 12 best secrets to a long-lasting relationship.

But above all, they can have a monumental effect on bonding you and your spouse together.

Your marriage relationship can stay strong, happy and healthy with these 16 proven tips.

1. Smile

Dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin are all released when you smile.

A smile can have a powerful effect on your happiness and on your marriage relationship.

In the morning, for instance, always say “Good Morning” with a smile.

“Good or Great Morning Blessings” sound even better.

Say hello with a smile when you greet each other when you come home.

It’s a way to show you missed them, and you are happy to see them.

One source says that more feel-good chemicals are released from a single smile than when receiving a large sum of money.

Therefore, give your partner a simple smile.

You may also like best Christian marriage advice for newlyweds: 31 + tips.

It’s simple, painless, and a free way to improve your quality of life and your marriage relationship.

Show that you are truly happy to see him or her.

Take the time to smile. It’s one of the small gestures that matter.

2. Say Thank You

A married couple with nearly forty years of experience shares that one of the most meaningful small things/gestures in their marriage was thankfulness.

The husband thanked his wife for daily chores and small tasks she performed for the family.

Daily, he thanked her for the delicious meals she created.

By example, he taught their children to cultivate a habit of thankfulness.

Saying thank you is another example of small things that make a big difference in any relationship.

Often we get too comfortable in a marriage relationship and start taking small things like saying thank you or showing gratitude for granted.

3. Ask Questions

Engage your spouse in meaningful conversations.
Show you care by asking about their day.

Do a simple online search for conversation starters for couples, then bring those questions into your daily life.

Don’t just rotate in the same ruts that you’ve always used.

Try to bring in new topics of conversation and learn something new about your spouse every day.

4. Surprise Your Spouse

Think of little things that will brighten your spouse’s day.

Pack a special food item in your spouse’s lunch box or show up at his or her work with chocolates or flowers.

Why not try tucking a love note into a lunch box, in a drawer, under a pillow, or even in your spouse’s shoes?

Listen to your spouse’s conversation and try to tune in to the small nuances that provide clues to the things they like and dislike.

Then surprise them with a small gift “just because.”

It will bring a smile to your loved one’s face and help sustain your  marriage relationship.

5. Love Texts Can transform a marriage relationship

Sometimes the most powerful small things include showing that someone remembers you.

Show your spouse you are thinking of him or her by sending him a love note or prayer by text!

Send him or her a message during the day, letting them know you are thinking of them and praying for them.

Remember the events that your spouse has scheduled for the day and ask how those things are going.

Colossians 3:12 says, “Clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”

Showing your partner you are thinking of him or her is a way to demonstrate kindness and gentleness to one another.

6. Simple Touch

Simple touch means a brief, playful touch that brings connection.

Pat their shoulder, caress their hair, do a special handshake, or give a brief kiss or hug.

Do these rituals every day to enrich your life and your marriage.

Reach out and make the first move.
Show your spouse you care and want to connect.

Show you care. Every touch shouldn’t be for sex.

7. Create Daily Rituals

Every relationship should have rhythms and patterns of connection. These patterns lend stability to relationships.

Check in every morning over coffee. Hold hands and pray. Call each other at lunch time and check in.

Have special and specific times off social media and other devices. This is big one these days!

Take time each week to go over that week’s schedule and pray together over your week.

Daily bible based devotions together are great!!

A family that prays together stays together, they say.

Doing your rituals on a regular, recurring basis will help you and your spouse feel safe.

Becky Bailey calls these rituals of connection, “I Love You Rituals.”

She says that I Love You Rituals contain four ingredients: playfulness, simple touch, presence, and gentle eye contact.

While most of her I Love You Rituals are geared for adults connecting with children, partners can similarly incorporate the same principles into their interactions with one another.

Are you truly present with your spouse during that quick kiss?

Do you touch them gently, look fondly into their eyes, and express playfulness and joy?

It’s the little things that matter.

8. Respond to Your Spouse’s “Bids”

Steve Call says that couples are constantly sending out “bids” for attention.

Like a slight nose-scratch or cough from a bidder at an auction, some of these bids are subtle and hard to notice.

Nonetheless, spouses are constantly asking one another for connection in small ways.

It’s important to notice and respond positively to your spouse’s bid for attention.

If they hint at going out to eat, taking a walk, chatting about the day, or playing a board game, make sure you don’t brush off this small invitation.

Notice their “bid” for attention and respond with kindness.

If you’re not available right then, then make sure you schedule another time when the two of you could connect.

If you make a habit of dismissing or ignoring your spouse’s bids, she or he may stop asking, and your relationship will suffer.

9. Give Them Wildflowers

How about finding a small bouquet of lovely sweet peas, daisies, trumpet vine, or daffodils?

Wildflowers are a small but significant way to add beauty and love to your spouse’s life.

Even if not expensive, a small gesture like this shows your spouse that you took time and effort to show them that you love them.

Wildflowers is another example of small things that matter.

What are other things you think you can do to strengthen your marriage relationship?

10. Say “I Love You.”

Sometimes we assume that others know that we love them. But the words matter.

Many songs have been written on the importance of verbalizing our love.

Sometimes, we realize too late that we should have been more diligent about speaking love out loud.

Ron Hamilton’s song reminds us, “Life is but a vapor, quickly vanishing away. Wait until tomorrow, and your change may flee away.

Give a fragrant flower while its beauty still can charm. Give a kiss to warm the longing heart.

Say ‘I love you’ while the heart can feel. Say ‘I love you’ while the heat can heal.

Make a heart rejoice, give your love a voice. Speak the words while you can say ‘I love you.”

Unconditional love should be expressed every day.

11. Be a Good Listener

Proverbs 18:13 says, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”

Take time to really hear what your spouse is saying to you.

Be an empathetic listener.

Give them your full attention, make eye contact, nod, and ask clarifying questions.

Assure your spouse that they are important to you by listening to what they are sharing with you—even if it seems trivial.

Don’t be quick to provide solutions. Often your partner just wants you to listen.

12. Don’t Go To Asleep Angry.

In Ephesians 4, Paul puts limits on our anger. While anger is a powerful force that can sometimes be used for good, it has potential for great harm.

In this passage, Paul helps us understand helpful boundaries for our anger.

Ephesians 4:26 says, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”

In other words, we are permitted to experience the energy of anger that helps mobilize us to do something about an unjust situation we care deeply about.

But God puts a 24-hour time limit on anger.
We are not allowed to sin in our anger through gossip, hatred, slander, selfishness, or revenge.

We are also not allowed to hang onto it for long.
Anger always morphs into something selfish and destructive.

God encourages people to deal with their anger before the sun goes down, so we do not carry it with us into the next day.

Sometimes, it’s not wise to talk about conflicts before you go to bed, since both of you may be stressed, exhausted, and in need of sleep.

However, aim to talk through your situation in that 24-hour window.

Seek peace and reconciliation as soon as possible.
Forgive, and don’t hold onto your anger.

13. Be An Encourager in your marriage relationship

Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another every day, while it is called today, so that not one of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.”

Life can be intensely discouraging, so don’t take for granted the importance of your encouragement to your spouse.

Your words of comfort and hope can make the difference between hope and despair.

If you are running dry on encouraging things to say, just do a simple online search for encouraging quotes and words of encouragement for a spouse.

Then use them! Don’t miss a day!

14. Don’t assume anything in your marriage relationship

Mike Bechtle wrote the following commentary on the importance of not making assumptions:

“Someone said, ‘In the absence of data, we tend to make things up.’

That’s why it’s important to keep talking about hard issues. If we don’t, we won’t know what the other person is thinking.

So we start believing our made-up perspectives, imagining things that aren’t there and assuming they’re true.”

Seek to always ask questions, clarify conversations first, and believe the best.

Moreover, never assume you know what your spouse is thinking or what their motivations are.

Always ask! Don’t be a mind reader.

15. Spend Time Together, but also Spend Time Alone

Sherry Turkle, in her excellent book, Reclaiming The Conversation: the Power of Talk in a Digital Age, said, “Loneliness is painful, emotionally and even physically, born from a want of intimacy” when we need it most, in early childhood. Solitude—the capacity to be contentedly and constructively alone—is built from successful human connection at just that time.”

Avoid loneliness by prioritizing your spouse and making sure they feel loved, cared for, and listened to.

Go on dates and prioritize one-on-one conversations away from children. 

You can use this couple’s love journal to reignite and deepen your relationship.

But also, prioritize time alone. This should be a priority in your marriage.

Give your spouse space for solitude—quiet time to commune with their thoughts and with God.

Similarly, have a healthy balance between alone time and together time.

16. Accept Each Other

Romans 15:5-7 provides a beautiful vision of the church that can also be applied to marriage.

“Now may the God who gives endurance and encouragement grant you harmony with one another in Christ Jesus, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring glory to God.”

God, therefore, encourages us to see a vision of oneness, harmony, and unity.  Praise to God.

However, in order to reach that point, we must accept one another.

Your spouse may have a different personality than you do, for instance.

He may have different likes or dislikes. She may also have quirks.

But successful marriages must be based on unconditional love and acceptance.

Understand you are not perfect, therefore your spouse cannot be perfect either.

You are both “work in progress”. Two imperfect people striving to make it by the grace of God in an imperfect world.

Show your spouse that you truly delight in him or her, just the way he or she is.

The Bible says it’s the little things that matter. “For who has despised the day of small things?” God asks in Zechariah 4:10.

The Lord God says that the tiny mustard seed can grow into a giant tree (Mark 4:10).

A tiny bit of yeast can spread through an entire lump of dough (Matthew 13:33).

On the flip side, a tiny negative word of anger or hatred can spread, causing great destruction and devastation (James 3:5).

In conclusion, it’s worth our time to make sure that the small moments in a marriage relationship are healthy, beautiful, and nurturing to our spouse.

It’s not the heart-stopping moments of romance, the breathtaking honeymoon destinations, or the great accomplishments that make a marriage successful.

Without small moments of love and daily tenderness, a marriage quickly becomes difficult and suffocating. 

You may also like best reasons why we should always pray.

Above all, take time today to cultivate the small things that matter.

In the end, you will find that your small investments will pay giant dividends.

Wishing your kingdom union the very best.

Blessings…..