Marriage Advice Every Newly Married Couple Must Know.
Christian Couples with 31+ years of Happy, Healthy, Successful experience share 31 Lessons learned in Marriage.
Let’s explore some of their best Christian marriage advice for newlyweds!
Through the happy days of romance, love warms you, fills you, and lifts you to new heights.
Congratulations on your new wedding!
Marriage mirrors God’s relationship with His people.
Successful marriages require way more than physical attraction, love, and common interests.
Like the torch in a hot air balloon, romantic love gives you the thrill of seeing your loved one from 10,000 feet as your love soars.
Once the marriage begins, however, the rubber meets the road.
The hot air balloon lands. Reality sets in.
The daily walk together, on the ground, is about to begin.
Here are 31 must know practical, Christian marriage advice for newlyweds that will help you through the new, daily journey that you are beginning with your spouse.
Use this proven best biblical marriage advice for newlyweds to build a strong foundation for your relationship.
Marriage God’s Way is a Biblical Recipe for Healthy, Joyful, Christ-Centered Relationships.
“Many conflicts would be effectively avoided if you do your best to get to learn about each other,” is one marriage advice for newlyweds from a lady married for 32 years.
Build on the special bond between two of you and strive to be each others BFF.
Adjusting to living with each other initially may be difficult.
It is necessary and essential to patiently understand your spouse to avoid even the smallest conflicts that could erupt into bigger ones.
An excellent tool for learning about your spouse is taking a personality test.
A personality test is aimed at improving interpersonal relationships, and promoting positive attitudes towards people who are different, in the areas of understanding, appreciation and respect.
Tests like DISC, Enneagram personality test assessments, 16 Personalities tests, Nanaya, the 5 love languages, or the Gothman Institute’s Relationship Quiz are some tests you can try.
They can help you get started in discovering new realities about your spouse.
What activities energize your spouse? It’s better to know for real than to guess.
Dr. Gottman, the country’s foremost relationship expert, talks about nurturing fondness and admiration in the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.
Make sure you bring these topics out into the open as soon as possible in the relationship and have a plan in these areas.
Adjusting and willing to compromise here and there will help reduce a lot of fighting in making sure household chores are completed; marriage advice for newlyweds from Liz married close to 32 years.
5. Learn About Perpetual Conflicts
The topic of chores is an area that the Gottman Institute would label as a solvable conflict.
If you discuss this issue with clarity and compassion and come to a mutual compromise, the topic can be easily solved.
But The Gottman Institute provides food for thought when it says that some types of conflicts are not solvable.
While solvable conflicts are simple logistical challenges or differences of opinion that can be fixed by discussing them,
unsolvable problems are clashes between personalities or values that will come up over and over and will never truly go away except with divine intervention.
He recommends “humor, affection, and even amusement, to actively cope with the unresolvable problem, rather than allowing it to fall into the condition of gridlock.”
Dr. Dan Allender, a prominent Christian therapist says that couples must have “a loyal commitment to a zero-contempt relationship. No matter the issue, no matter its importance, contempt must be viewed as dangerous as lighting a match to look into a gas tank.”
8. Be Proactive About Conflicts
Dr. Allender goes on, “Contempt arises like smoke from the fire of shame.”
Shame is the fire and contempt is the smoke, and you will need to develop a “smoke detector” in your marriage.
Meet proactively at least once a week to discuss issues, hurts, sins, conflicts, and things that have been unsaid that need to be addressed.
Make sure these issues are detected early, while they are still small and healthy.
Try to uncover feelings of inadequacy before they explode into an incendiary.
James 5:16 – Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.
According to author Gary Thomas, in “Sacred Marriage” “We have to stop asking of marriage what God never designed it to give — perfect happiness, conflict-free living, and idolatrous obsession.”
Instead, he invites us to see how God can use marriage as a discipline and a motivation to love God more and reflect more on the character of His Son, together as a couple.
9. Trust And Respect Each Other Including Each Other’s Space
“A marriage without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it as long as you want, but it won’t go anywhere.” -Unknown
No relationship can thrive without trust and respect.
Your spouse should be confident that they are with someone they can completely trust and confide their feelings, thoughts, worries, and concerns to.
Married couples are one flesh and joined together in Christ for life, therefore they should understand what respecting boundaries is early in the relationship.
Yet at the same time, they are also individually created children of God.
Your spouse may need time to be alone with God or just to reflect, decompress, or relax.
Allow your spouse some space and don’t seek to manipulate or demand every minute of his or her time.
Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us, “In humility consider others more important than yourselves. Each of you should look at not only your own interests, but also at the interests of others.”
The bible says we are to “Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.”
In other words, this means that you treat your spouse in the same way you would want to be treated.
Respectable boundaries in your marriage, foster trust and belief.
“Respecting your spouse includes not saying bad things or discussing them with other people, friends, family, co-workers, and others” – another marriage advice for newlyweds from Laura – married for 34 years.
10. Don’t Let Marriage Become An Idol
The thrill and closeness that marriage can bring are meant to be a breathtaking picture of our special relationship with Christ.
At the same time, we can’t begin to assume that marriage itself is our relationship with Christ or that our spouse is our god or ultimate focus.
“Our spouse is not our ultimate place of fulfillment,” stated another lady with 40 years marriage experience on biblical advice for newly weds.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer encourages Christians to be careful not to make human love an end in itself.
He describes the dangerous thinking patterns of idolatrous love: “Nothing, not even the truth, must come between” the two lovers.
The only goal of life, to which everything else must bend, is “the other person, his company, his answering love.”
When we think like this, our relationship is unhealthy and in danger.
11. Get Excited About God’s Work In Your Spouse
In the middle of daily stresses and conflicts that come with jobs, careers, housework, chores, and kids, it can be easy to lose sight of the beauty of what Christ is doing in your spouse’s life.
Try to catch a glimpse of the exciting work God is doing.
The similarity in beliefs, goals, and objectives are virtues in any relationship, but it’s good for any spouse to appreciate any positive attitude or change towards a greater knowledge of Christ by the other spouse.
Trust the ways God can change your spouse!
12. Pray Together
As children of God, one of the most important things you can do with your new spouse is to talk to your Heavenly Father together.
Short Daily devotionals with bible passages will sometimes encourage couples to pray together.
Newly married couples must know that relationships have plenty of bumps along the way, and prayer is the shock absorber that helps make the journey a little less difficult.
Practically, try going on a prayer walk together. Hold hands and pray.
Colossians 4:2 instructs us to “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.” ESV
Start the morning with prayer. End the day with prayer. A family that prays together stays together, they say.
Pray about fears, difficulties, conflicts, and decisions. Surprise each other by calling to pray together.
Make prayer a part of your everyday experience with your spouse.
The Bible agrees that when people pray together their petitions are heard by God: Matthew 18:19: “Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.”
13. Pray For Each Other
Similar to the last point, this point emphasizes an important lesson learned in marriage.
Prayer is a powerful tool to touch the heart of your spouse—and to change your own heart in the process.
In moments of conflicts or discord, your knee-jerk reaction may be rehashing the situation in your mind or with your words.
Instead of mulling, try turning to Christ with the conflict. Pray for your spouse.
This is probably the best marriage advice for newlyweds.
In his book, Life Together, Bonhoeffer said we should “speak to Christ more about a brother than to a brother about Christ.”
In other words, talk to God about your spouse even more than you talk to your spouse about problems, issues, or concerns.
Bring your spouse’s hopes, dreams, failures, sins, and struggles to the Lord in prayer.As you do, you may see that God wants to change you as well.
14. Compliment One Another
Go out of your way to express thankfulness for your spouse.
Speak words of gratefulness directly to your husband or wife, and intentionally speak well of them to others within their earshot.
Keeping a gratitude journal about your spouse will help you have compliments at your fingertips. Writing a thank you heartfelt sweet note, a gift or card are simple ways of expressing thankfulness.
Even before your children are born, create traditions, rituals, and habits of celebration for your household.
Special surprise or moment on a birthday morning, an Advent chain counting down the days to Christmas, caroling to neighbors,
taking walks together or getting up by candlelight on Christmas morning are simple acts that can help bond your new family together.
Start by combining holiday traditions from your families of origin.
Then brainstorm and research ideas to form new traditions of your very own.
16. Look For Ways To Serve
Doing dishes, filling glasses of water, checking the doors at night, balancing the checkbook, fueling, washing, and maintaining the car are simple ways to show your spouse you care.
Decide to fix breakfast so that your partner could sleep longer.
Have the mindset that you are a team and you are in this together and find ways to intentionally serve each other.
But what about more descriptive acts?
We can imitate Christ’s self-giving love when we do distasteful tasks such as cleaning the bathroom, dealing with rodents and insects, or fixing the plumbing.
17. Forgive Early And Often
Couples who have been married for many years share lessons they have learned in their marriage.
They all say that forgiveness is a very important and practical aspect of a long-lasting marriage relationship.
Every human being has the capacity to sin.
In any marriage, even the most peaceful, couples will definitely sin against each other.
As Christians, we do not grant our spouse forgiveness because they deserve it, but as an act of mercy and grace covered by unconditional love.
It is very important that you continually forgo the hurts you go through caused by your spouse and resolve to start the relationship afresh.
One of the most important lessons newly married couple must grasp is forgiveness.It’s better to forgive quickly rather than holding on to a grudge.
And it’s better to assume the best and forgive as a knee-jerk reaction rather than assuming the worst.
18. Confess When You Are Wrong
Confession is often very hard but very necessary.
A seasoned spouse shares, “If I am wrong, I have to say so. Staying angry or insisting on my own rights is not an option. Over the years, this has been a struggle, but practice does make it come a little easier and more quickly.”
Dr. Bonnie Badenoch explains that couples become more resilient every time they work to repair a “break in connection.”
Couples who have worked to repair their broken bonds can actually feel closer after the reconciliation than before the conflict happened.
Early in your marriage, seek to clarify common goals, values, dreams, and desires.
When your family has joint goals and you are all working together to meet them, a special bond will be created.
20. Managing Careers
As you create joint goals, seek to understand your spouse’s independent career goals.
How can you work to help your spouse succeed in their career?
How can you each support each other in your individual goals and dreams?
Make sure to clarify early in your marriage the role that careers will play in your lives.
Prioritize spending time together outside of work.
Work together to establish work schedules that are best for your union.
Be an encourager to your spouse. Be their best cheerleader.
21. Start Investigating Child-Rearing
Couples may imagine that they will have years to get to know each other, pursue careers, and casually learn about child-rearing before children will arrive on the scene.
But some couples are surprised by how quickly God sends little ones into their lives and families.
Start right away to define your shared values regarding child-rearing.
Research different issues related to raising children, and be clear about your shared values in this area.
Get genuine advice from your wise parents, especially mothers and trusted friends who have been there.
22. Be Proactive In Your Relationship With God
A couple who has been married for forty years shares a lesson learned in marriage.
They say, “We emphasize the centrality of God and Scriptures to our home and life.
We try to let God’s words be continually in our mouths and to talk of them when we sit in our house, when we walk by the way, when we lie down, and when we rise up.
We spend time reading God’s word privately and together, and also work on hiding God’s word in our hearts through memorization.”
One of the best biblical advice for newlyweds is to read His word together. The word of God has positive impact in changing hearts and keeping people humble.
23. Be Careful About Expectations
Young couples often enter marriage with rosy-colored dreams and great expectations for their marriage, life, and relationship.
Mike Bechtle shares, “When we have expectations of what needs to happen, we’ll usually be disappointed.”
Instead of forming unrealistic expectations that will later be broken, he encourages couples to “replace expectations with expectancy.”
Filled with expectancy for what God will do in our relationship, we can free ourselves from unreasonable expectations and demands.
24. Express Healthy Curiosity
Be curious about your spouse’s day, experiences, feelings, job, or childhood.
Ask questions and seek to understand.
Even during challenging conversations, allow your mind to be curious about what your spouse might be thinking or feeling.
Wonder out loud or silently about the feelings or experiences that may be causing the words or reactions that your spouse is portraying.
Decide together how to manage any student loans, credit card debts, paying house bills, etc.
Have a clear understanding of how to manage bank accounts, whether joint or separate accounts or both.
Who will be responsible for actually paying the bills after the funds are apportioned?
What about your parents? Would they need help? Decide how you will accommodate extended family expenses if applicable.
Remember, it’s no longer MY money, it’s now OUR money.
27. Remember The Events That Are Important To Your Spouse
To some newlyweds, it is extremely important that their spouse remember the one-month anniversary of their marriage and the one-year anniversary of their first date or their engagement or other dates that are special.
Do your best to set a reminder on your phone so you will not forget these important days.Marriage advice for newlyweds from Linda – 36 years in marriage.
When the anniversary rolls around, respond with a simple card, back rub, flowers, words of appreciation, or another gift that would be meaningful to your spouse.
Keep in mind holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries of deaths or traumas your spouse may have experienced.
Be extra gentle on those days and seek ways to encourage your spouse.
28. Talk About Your Spiritual Life
Deuteronomy 6:7 says to talk about God’s word “when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed, and when you are getting up.”
To some people, it may seem very personal to talk about your spiritual journey with your spouse.
But talking about God together will help you stay accountable and will help you grow in your closeness to God and each other.
Talk about the church you will be attending and how involved you are going to be. This marriage advice for newlyweds should be agreed on before you start having children. It’s very important for families to worship together.
Know preachers your spouse likes to listen to, what songs they like, and sometimes just watch or listen together.
29. Talk To Your Spouse About Your Temptations
This may seem counterintuitive, but Laurie Krieg emphasizes the importance of talking to your spouse about your temptations.
Rather than pulling away in shame or fear, come to your spouse and start to talk.
This frank, straight-to-the-point, and practical book is a perfect must -read resource with tons of marriage advice for newlyweds and engaged couples.
To avoid sexual immorality, sex should be frequent and mutual.
1 Corinthians 7:5 – Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
No matter what your schedules are, make this an IMPORTANT aspect of your marriage and when you partake, let it be special, no hurry, and let it be a mix of however you both like it!
Sex should be honored, cherished, and enjoyed as a gift from God and moreover, you should not be ashamed to express yourself.
In conclusion, proactively implementing this marriage advice for newlyweds and always being open, intentionally and responsibly willing to work on your relationship can help newlywed couples build a lasting, strong, and satisfying relationship.
Why is it so hard to leave an abusive relationship? Why is it so hard to move on?
In this article, we are going to show you some signs that signal an unhealthy and toxic relationship.
Many of us have gotten ourselves into situationships!
Quite frankly we often tend to stay in these relationships even when we know that we’re getting all the red flags to leave or demand changes.
Not only that, but we also continue to allow others to step on our hearts and feelings when we have the choice to leave.
According to John Mark Green; “Toxic people attach themselves like cinder blocks tied to your ankles, and then invite you for a swim in their poisoned waters.”
I get it, sometimes it’s confusing because you find yourself in a love-hate relationship.
Toxic people give you hopeful moments of happiness and moments of unexplainable deep stress and distress.
And you think that is the ideal way love is supposed to be, but it’s not at all.
Sadly though, many times before we get our Moses, we have to go through a couple of the Pharaohs.
No one can boast of a perfect relationship, in the personal or the business sphere.
But “The wrong person will give you less than what you’re worth, but that doesn’t mean that you have to accept it.” – Sonya Parker.
According to Ginnie Love Thompson, Ph.D., a Florida based Psychotherapist, “Every single relationship has a level of abuse. Nothing is perfect – there’s always some work to be done.”
For the most part, a good relationship should make you feel secure, special, happy, cared for, respected, and free to be yourself.
My friends, true love will never leave you feeling empty, drained, depleted and distraught.
And if for any reason you do? Then you’re in a toxic relationship.
A California – based communication and psychology expert, coined the term in her book Toxic People, defined a toxic relationship as “any relationship (between people who) don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s disrespect and lack of cohesiveness.”
Let me tell you a couple of ways to identify if you’re in an unhealthy toxic relationship.
If any of these sound familiar, it’s time to make some big changes.
“Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself.” – Oprah Winfrey
The first sign of a toxic relationship is Confusion.
As God’s word says, “God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.” (1 Corinthians 14:33).
It is always good and very important to pay close attention to identify if the person you are in a relationship with is bringing clarity or confusion to your life.
When a person continues to give you less effort and is also showing signs that he/she doesn’t want to “get serious” about a relationship, then they are most likely wasting your time.
They expect much and give little. They feel entitled and act like they are doing you a favor.
Trust me, also believe that there is always someone out there who will not leave you confused.
The second sign of an unhealthy relationship is Dishonesty
If your partner is constantly lying to you, you are discovering little lies here and there, telling a partial truth, or doesn’t even communicate his/her whereabouts, these are all big red flags.
When you are in a relationship or dating, you should know that HONESTY is the first sign of loyalty.
Honesty breeds TRUST over time in a relationship.
Always consider if the person you are with is honest about EVERYTHING.
Most toxic people don’t follow through on their promises. They are “sweet and smooth talkers.”
They say one thing to make you happy this one moment and then revert to their old ways.
Rachel Sussman, LCSW, a marriage and family therapist in New York, says “There’s the constant push and pull.”
Every dishonest gesture between partners undercuts a little bit of the relationship.
The third sign of a toxic relationship is fairly easy to identify.
No Commitment– If the person you are with doesn’t want anyone to know they’re dating you, then you’re pretty much a secret and he/she is liable to do anything.
They don’t talk about the future after you’ve been together for some months or they are comparing you with their past relationships.
They are not committed, period! And that’s a BIG red flag.
No, they don’t have to post you on social media 20x a day, but it should be made known that they are in a relationship with you.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t always guarantee that they will be faithful, but it does give clarity that they can potentially be honest.
It shows they value you as a person.
Dr. Clinton McLemore― a leading expert on interpersonal relationships― gives you a powerful roadmap for promoting healthy and productive relationships and how to have some value for your relationship.
You may already know this, but if your partner is DISRESPECTFUL,this can be a huge red flag.
Being disrespected in a relationship causes much emotional confusion and distress.
Mutual respect fosters individual growth and development.
Lack of respect messes with your image and gives you a sense of insecurity about yourself.
Lack of respect does not bring out the best of you.
In fact, it makes you not feel like yourself around them.
You see, when a man/woman tells you very hurtful things, those things don’t just go away, they stay grounded in your heart for some time.
Here’s one that most people don’t take into much consideration – Uneasy Feeling.
Follow your intuition, if you feel like something is off or you are feeling any type of anxiety and fear in a relationship or anything in general.
Listen to that small voice!
Most times our inner selves will tell us the truth before it surfaces.
I think, a lot of times, most of us know when something is off, but we choose to find out the hard way.
Listen to that small voice in your head. God will never lead you wrong.
A sixth Sign that you’re probably in an unhealthy relationship would be a Lack Of Change In Behavior.
Let me give you an example, if a person constantly does the same thing over and over without changing.
And he/she knows that it bothers you, then they clearly don’t care about fixing the problem, or making you happy.
A person can apologize, but if their actions don’t match, then something is not adding up.
When they are wrong, they try to rationalize their behavior or blame others for it.
True Repentance should come with a change, they say!
Dependencewould definitely be another sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Do not get me wrong, it is okay to take care of your partner.
But when taking care of your partner becomes a full-time job and they are not putting in the same effort, then you are basically dealing with a child with all related stresses.
Do not sacrifice your time and efforts on a selfish and self-centered person.
By all means, don’t.
Some people will be in a relationship with you just because it’s beneficial for them, while the whole time you could be losing out on an amazing partner who will give you the world and more.
Don’t settle for someone who is full of excuses as to why they are not where they are supposed to be because anyone can support themselves if they are willing.
Now I think it’s time we get on the topic of Abuse; another sign of signs of a toxic relationship.
There is more than one kind of abuse. There’s physical abuse, mental abuse, and narcissistic abuse.
If you’ve ever encountered any of these types of abuse, I just want to let you know that you are worth so much more!
Mental abuse is the first sign of these 3. Why?
Because once you allow a person to abuse you mentally – control your mind -which can be verbal – arguing, disrespect, or just their actions, this will eventually lead to physical abuse.
Sometimes people hide what they really feel behind words and hidden agendas until they get comfortable enough to abuse you physically.
Physical abuse could lead to death. No, I am not being dramatic.
If you are in a relationship where you are getting abused, at what point do you think the abuse will end and at what point do you think this person will stop?
There’s never an excuse for abusive behavior, especially when it comes to love in a relationship.
Love is the strongest drug and if you are with a person who is seriously in love with you, but abuses you, at no point does that make it right?
None, for neither of you!
Leave that relationship as quickly as possible, especially when you are not yet married.
Lastly, Narcissistic abuse is the most underrated type of abuse out there.
This is the silent abuse.
This is where the person will have you thinking you’re doing everything wrong in the world, but you’re doing everything you possibly can to the best of your ability.
They mess with your mind. You can’t impress them.
“Beware of narcissistic people. They’ll tell everyone you’re crazy, only to cover up their trickery. ” ― Mitta Xinindlu
“Narcissists are very retaliative if they believe another has achieved what they desire, exposed their insecurities, or refused to be under their control.” — Lorraine Nilon
I think most people have gotten a piece of this kind of abuse.
Not only because it’s so easy to miss, but also because it plays with your mind in so many ways, and most importantly it is a disorder.
Trust me it is very torturing.
Here’s a couple of signs that you’re in a narcissistic relationship:
You have low self-esteem, you feel as though you’re going crazy, you become depressed or anxious.
Nothing you do is ever good enough.
When you try to leave they pull you back in, their attitude towards you changes rapidly.
Guys, this is only a couple ways a narcissist abuses you and I think it is the most horrible of them all.
Beware of these toxic relationships! They are very hard to recover from. Not impossible, but hard!
Now that we’ve discussed the different types of abuse in a relationship, we should move forward with other signs that indicate you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
Which brings me to Control.
If you are dating someone who seems to be very controlling you should be careful, controlling people want you to do exactly as they say or else… and this is not a safe place to be.
When you’re in a relationship, it should be equal, even though a man is dominant over the woman he should never make you feel as though you don’t have a choice or a voice.
You should still be entitled to do what you want and have some sense of independence as long as it isn’t disrespectful towards your relationship.
One thing we all ignore is our OwnComfort in a relationship.
If you don’t feel comfortable without makeup or wigs, etc, then you aren’t with your soulmate,
You see real true love should not be identified by how good your makeup looks, or how laid your hair is,
but when you can wake up barefaced, and 100% natural, you’ve found someone that accepts you for you!
Don’t ever change your image to be with someone.
Beware of the person you’re with is charming when they want to be, real love should always be present, not just sometimes.
Real love is Unconditional. It shouldn’t be based on performance.
If they are more charming to everyone else than you, then you probably have yourself a cheater.
Never stay with someone if they make you feel ignored and invisible.
“The hardest part of being in an emotionally abusive relationship, it’s actually admitting you’re in one.” – Anna Akana
When you are with someone who persistently makes you unhappy, suffocates those precious parts of you, makes you feel lesser than who you are,
you must be alive with your eyes wide open to the damage they are doing.
You owe them nothing, you owe yourself everything.
Everyone deserves to thrive, to feel no intimidation, and to feel safe, and you deserve to be happy in your relationship.
Don’t allow yourself to be in toxic relationships.
You should be able to identify signs that indicate that a relationship may have become, or always was, toxic.
Sometimes you just have to learn how to be alone and patiently wait for true love to find you or vice versa – Most of the time when you least expected it.
Soulmates are real, and you will be at peace when your true soul mate comes into your life.
If you know how much God loves you unconditionally, then you will know how much he cares about your situation.
Lastly, are you:
Currently, trying to get over a heartbreak?
Are you trapped in a toxic relationship?
Do you desire to leave a toxic relationship?
It is possible!
When you have tried all you can, you just have to make up your mind and heart that you will not accept that anymore.
With prayer, self-care, people that care, and self-love, you will overcome any phase you are going through.
