According to scientific research, gratitude is one of the best ways to boost your mental health and physical well-being.
This is what Robert Emmons, the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude wrote, “it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts, and benefits we’ve received.”
This article discusses studies that seem to suggest that gratitude is good for your health.
Tip #4 on How To Teach A Child About Gratitude = Say Thank You
Gratitude enhances and builds relationships.
Even the youngest of children can learn to say, “Thank you.”
With their chubby little hands, they can form the sign language words that express gratitude.
These two words, “thank you,” are the first words parents often teach their kids.
Energetic and zealous, parents demand that their children give thanks for any gift received or service offered.
Often, children end up expressing gratitude by rote.
Other times, their words are insincere.
Gratitude does not produce all the scientific benefits unless it is heartfelt.
How can we make sure that our children are not saying these words by rote?
How can we ensure their words are meaningful and genuine?
The author of the book, Nonviolent Communication, shares tips about expressing effective gratitude towards others.
In his article, he shares three steps to effective gratitude:
1. Observations.
Teach your children to make observations about what their friend or relative did for them. Like,
A. Mom tied my shoes.
B. Grandma bought me a present.
C. Dad brought me a hamburger after work.
Even if your child didn’t like the gift itself, she can express gratefulness for the motive behind it. “Thank you, Grandma, for taking the time to go shopping and buying me a gift.”
Teach your child to express gratitude in full sentences.
2. Feelings – Teach your kids to describe their feelings about their friend or relative’s kind action or gift.
A. “Mom, when you tied my shoes, I felt relieved…”
B. “Grandma, when you bought me a present, I felt loved…”
C. “Dad, when you brought me a hamburger, I felt happy…”
3. Need – Finally, help your kids express the need that that their friend or relative met.
A. “Mom, when you tied my shoes, I felt relieved because I wanted to go outside and play.”
B. “Grandma, when you bought me a present, I felt loved because I knew you were thinking about me.”
C. “Dad, when you brought me a hamburger, I felt happy because I was hungry and you remember my favorite types of burgers.”
In summary, an effective gratitude statement includes the action that was performed, the feeling that was produced, and the need that was met.
This formula helps avoid rote gratitude.
It also helps you avoid saying “thank you” as a way to manipulate someone.
Think how good you would feel if someone used this formula on you!
“When you stopped by to ask if I needed something (Observation), I felt happy (Feeling) because I had been very lonely and anxious today. (Need)”
Tip #5 on How To Teach A Child About Gratitude = Thank You Notes
Writing thank you note may seem like an ancient, outdated practice.
In reality, it is a wonderful habit to teach t today’s generation of kids.
If you are quarantined or shut inside during winter, now is an excellent time to start developing this skill in children.
Children can rediscover the joy of letter-writing.
Ask your children to name one person who has influenced and encouraged them.
Maybe it’s someone whom they have missed during the pandemic.
Have them write a letter expressing gratitude to this teacher, friend, or classmate.
Now is the time to teach children about envelopes, stamps, and postage.
Kids can learn how to address an envelope and write a return address.
They can practice their skills of letter heading, greeting, body of the letter, and closing.
Are you willing to send a thank-you note to someone you’ve never met?
Then you are willing to take your gratitude journey to the next level!
Why not share the gratitude with someone who’s discouraged?
The organization “More Love Letters” devotes itself to inspiring people to write handwritten letters to people who are going through tough times.
Go on the website and help your children select a discouraged individual to write to.
Looking back in your gratitude journal, you’ll be able to see how God has provided for you in a very difficult time.
Then share the good news with someone else!
The “More Love Letters” website always shares about the kind and sacrificial acts that the discouraged individual has performed.
He or she is having a tough time remembering his own goodness right now.
Express gratitude to that person for the kindness, sacrifice, and hope they have shared with others.
“Dating for the Socially Awkward: Overcome social anxiety and gain the confidence to get the girl you desire” by Jouhzu, is a total self-improvement journey.
The thought of being with your crush brings you feelings of excitement, yet the idea of initiating things with them brings feelings of discomfort and dread.
You’ve had opportunity after opportunity to approach your dream girl and ask her out, but each time you find yourself stumbling over your words, unable to truly articulate your attraction to her.
•If you lack self-confidence out of fear, then this will keep you believing in yourself and help you in attracting a great partner.
Asking a girl out is a challenge for many men. The fear and anxiety of rejection is enough to make a man do without a woman he really cares for.
There’s no foolproof guide on how to ask the girl of your dreams on a date.
You have to try different approaches.
We are all blessed with a unique combination of qualities, preferences, and social styles; there simply can’t be one perfect way of approaching someone.
This post is not meant to be a rule book, but rather a collection of tips you can use to better yourself and your mindset when approaching the woman of your heart.
Let’s dive into some of the tips you can utilize to approach your dream girl and probably land a date.
#1. Know Your value
The first tip on how to approach your dream girl is to know yourself and your value.
One thing a man must strive to have before they approach anything in life is a sense of self-worth.
In order to confidently approach a woman, you must know you have something valuable to bring to the table.
You may not have all the money in the world or may not be the most popular guy in the room, but these are not things that make a person, and limit a person to external validation.
The only person’s validation you require is God’s and your own.
You are more than money or status, you are filled with kindness, valor, and intelligence, and much more!
When you understand you possess a combination of unique God-given qualities, you realize you are more than enough for your dream girl.
When you become secure in the fact that you have so much to offer, the thought of initiating a date with the woman of your dreams seems less daunting.
Women appreciate a man that is sure of himself and his God-given strengths-it’s an indication of the great partner he’ll be.
An additional word of advice though, there is a thin line between arrogance and confidence.
Being sure of yourself does not mean you should forget about the importance of being humble.
Humility and Confidence work hand in hand.
#2. Be Observant
Most people, whether it’s a man or a woman, appreciate when they feel someone took the time to notice little things about them.
Being observant to detail is another tip on how to approach your dream girl.
Whether you take note of how she takes her coffee in the morning, her favorite past time, or the genre of music she loves to listen to, using the knowledge you gain can go a long way.
A woman is most likely not going to be impressed solely by your attraction for her.
Instead, she’ll appreciate the fact that you delved beyond that attraction and endeavored to get to know her as a person.
Strike up a conversation about her favorite song or ask a question about the book she’s reading.
This is an almost sure way of communicating your interest in her without focusing solely on physical attraction.
Paying attention to details can also serve as a great way to get ideas for that date you want to ask her on.
Imagine that after careful observation, you notice your crush loves art.
Asking her out to an art museum or a painting class would be met with much more interest and enthusiasm than if you blindly suggested something else.
#3. Form a Friendship
Forming a solid friendship is another tip on how to approach your dream girl.
I know, I know. You probably rolled your eyes when you read that.
Why would you set yourself up for the awful, dreaded, friend zone? However, the key to a successful relationship is a strong friendship.
• Oprah Love Expert Reveals the Secrets For You To Have the Relationship of Your Dreams.
Earlier, we discussed how being observant could help put you in the position to ask your dream girl on a date.
Some aspects of a person, though, can’t be inferred from observation so much as it can from the regular conversation.
By forming a friendship with your potential date, you stand the chance of really getting to know her.
And by getting to know her, you increase your chances of landing a date.
There’re even more advantages to forming a friendship with your crush: A friendship tears down walls and creates comfort.
Remember when you first met your ideal woman and how hard it was to form complete sentences around her?
Maybe with time, it got a little easier to say a few words, although the thought of asking her on a date still makes you anxious.
With time and continued proximity, you got a little more comfortable.
Imagine if you two formed a friendship. That type of bond would definitely make you feel more comfortable around her and allow you to be yourself.
When we approach each other in a climate of friendship, we do not have the pressure to be accepted or rejected.
•She gets to learn more about you.
Friendship is not only an opportunity for you to learn more about your dream partner, but also an avenue for her to get to know you.
Perhaps you have common interests or admirable strengths.
Perhaps you have quirks or mannerisms that she could find adorable.
A friendship is an opportunity to present who you are without the added pressure to perform. It’s an organic, healthy way of allowing all aspects of you to shine.
•You get to see if there is actual compatibility.
For the longest, you’ve admired your crush from afar.
You’ve observed some things, had a few conversations here and there, but every interaction has been only on the surface.
You don’t know enough about her to gauge whether you’re genuinely a match.
While dating is a way to gauge if there is an affinity for one another, a friendship does the same, but with an added benefit- there is no pressure.
When you decide to pursue a genuine friendship, you don’t have to worry about performing or making grand gestures that may not be organic.
#4. Show Her The Respect She Deserves
Romans 12:10 says to “Love one another with brotherly affection.”
It is essential to treat all of our fellow humans with respect, and this extends to your dream girl or woman you want in your life as well.
In a world full of patriarchy and misogyny, women don’t always get the respect they deserve.
Unfortunately, some women end up with dates and partners who also won’t extend that respect.
The number one way to turn a woman off is to show clear disrespect for her and her boundaries.
Without love, the woman reacts without respect, and without respect, the man reacts without love. This initiates a painful and negative cycle in any relationship.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book on love and respect is a great resource for anyone interested in a long-lasting relationship.
While this can get you the date, you’ve wanted, it can have disastrous results as well.
In his book “No Excuses,” Dr. Tony Evans “urges men to stop looking at their circumstances as excuses and instead to see them as challenges and opportunities for success.”
Be a man of honesty and integrity, and you will attract the woman of your dreams!
#6. Invite Her To Church
One way to get a good woman to gravitate towards you is to include her in personal activities that don’t have an air of expectation.
One great way to form a friendship and easing communication between you and your crush is to invite them to church with you.
It can be something more intimate such as a bible study, or it could be a mid-week or a Sunday service.
Maybe you could connect over your mutual love for similar worship styles.
Or perhaps the pastor’s topic of the day could strike up a deep conversation.
Most importantly, inviting her to something personal and intimate like a church is an excellent way of communicating how important she is to you.
You wouldn’t invite just anyone to church with you, to be amongst you and the people you fellowship with.
This is a great segue to asking her out because when you do, she’ll know it’s not just a superficial date you’re asking for; you really want to connect with her on a deeper level.
#7. Communicate Clearly
Always work on being the best communicator you can.
When you do get around to asking your dream girl on a date, it will take clear communication so she can have a good idea of what your intentions are.
Good communication is one of the things that keeps a relationship intact.
Whether you strike up an initial friendship or simply ask her out, good communication is key.
Sometimes, being an excellent communicator is hard for people because of the amount of vulnerability it entails.
Most people have a fear of opening up themselves to rejection or being the subject of negative judgment, so they tend to avoid directly communicating their wants, feelings, or thoughts to protect themselves.
Unfortunately, there is no set way of avoiding rejection or negative judgment.
When you open yourself up to someone, you’re taking a risk. However, the potential gains from clear communication greatly outweigh the potential losses.
Communicating clearly ties back to your security in who you are as a person.
When you are confident in who you are and know your value, it’s easier to put yourself in a vulnerable position.
Regardless of the outcome, you know that you are a man of valor, and any woman would be lucky to go on a date with you.
If they accept it, excellent. If they don’t, it’s their loss.
A good woman will have a deep appreciation for a man who is willing to go out on a limb to communicate his intent and feelings.
Don’t hesitate to communicate clearly. Be true to yourself and to what you feel in your heart.
#8. Just Do it- Ask her out!
Your dream girl could end up being your soulmate.
She could end up being the partner that God created for you.
Do you Even Know What it Takes to Make Your Relationship Last Long?
Every long term happy marriage has secrets to their success and what has kept them together.
While some couples enter their marriage relationship with starry eyes and rosy glasses, others enter with a bleakly realistic fear:
“What if our marriage falls apart? What if we don’t have what it takes to stick it out?”
With marriage relationships falling apart left and right and warm and devoted marriages disintegrating before our very eyes, we need words of advice, guidance, and strength.
We need to gain skills for endurance and going the distance.
What makes the difference? What helps some people weather the storms of life and stay strong long term?
Ever wondered – what are the secrets to a long-lasting relationship?
In this post, we will examine some important life lessons for building long-lasting marriage relationships.
Let’s have a look at twelve of the best things people (including myself – 34 years of marriage) who have stayed together for the longest share as perhaps, some of the secrets to their long-lasting relationships.
Let’s explore some great advice for a strong, happy, and enduring relationship.
Sherry Turkle explains that smartphones, computers, and technology have taken the place of much-needed personal conversation that is so vital to healthy relationships.
we can be sucked into the trend to outsource our thinking, our information storage, and recall, our memories, our information processing, and our philosophy to digital devices.
In fact, instead of taking time to fully digest our multi-sensory experiences with our spouse, we often short-change the experience by focusing only on taking a picture to later post on social media.
Instead of using our own minds to store, process, and retrieve our memories about our spouses,
we rely on the crutch of social media to remind us of memories and anniversaries.
Similarly, instead of spending time conversing about our day, developing new hobbies together,
or responding to one another’s bid for attention, we spend time scrolling endlessly through social media feeds or online news and shopping.
The writer of Ecclesiastes, despite his tone of darkness and despair, had a lot to say about the importance of treasuring each and every moment that God gives us here on earth.
He often reminded readers that life is uncertain; tragedy and calamities come, and death is sure.
In light of this, he advised, alternatively to,
“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun–all your meaningless days.
For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes advised his audience to treasure the simple pleasures of daily life.
Don’t allow the marvels of a smiling face, a fading sunset, or a nuanced expression of tenderness be lost under a pile of addictive, stressful, and never-ending tweets, likes, comments, and headlines.
Sherry Turkle suggests creating “sacred spaces—the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, the car—that are device-free.”
However, you choose to apply this principle, remember that boundaries on technology are a very important part of a relationship that can go the distance.
#2. Be Prepared For Difficulty
It is important to understand that marriage may not be easy.
Jesus says that “in this world, you will have tribulation.”
Hebrews 10:36 says, “So do not throw away your confidence; it holds a great reward.”
Although you prepare for the worst, you must enter your marriage relationship with hope, confidence, optimism, and the power of imagination.
Paul Tripp says that the spiritual “power of imagination” is the confidence that allows us to envision leaves, flowers, and fruit on a dry, dead, winter tree.
The power of imagination allows us to dream of business goals that we later make a reality.
Similarly, the power of imagination helps us see that no matter the current or pending difficulty, God is always at work in our spouse’s life.
Even in times of difficulty, we can work on “believing that anything is possible with the work of God.” (Pastor H, Kansas)
Tim Keller in his renowned book “The meaning of Marriage” encourages spouses to use their spiritual imagination to get excited about what God is doing in their partner’s life.
He says, “Look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say,
‘I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to His throne.’
And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, “I always knew you could be like this.
Always approach your marriage with hope in the fact that God is; “able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.” -Ephesians 3:20
#4. Practice Steadfast (Hesed) Love
Make Jesus Christ, the first and last and best in everything.
Throughout the Bible, God refers to His love for His people as “hesed.”
Hesed love means love, loyalty, or steadfast mercy.
It refers to a covenant love that never, ever gives up on the beloved.
Paul Miller says that “Hesed is one-way love.
It encompasses love commitment without an exit strategy.
When you love with hesed love, you bind yourself to the object of your love no matter what the response is…” (The Loving Life by Paul Miller)
Hesed love is the type of love that will keep your relationship going for the long term.
#5. Find And Stay With A Congregation That Will Support You
You need a strong body of genuine believers that will come alongside and help you through those tough patches.
They will help you see blind spots, guide you in times of difficulty, and encourage you when times are tough.
The body of Christ provides accountability and helps keep you on track with your relationship with your spouse and with God.
Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “Let us not neglect meeting together, as some have made a habit, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Spiritual fellowship helps you avoid placing all your emotional weight on your spouse, which creates an impossible burden to bear.
Find solace in friends, mentors, accountability partners, pastors, and teachers.
The Body of Christ is an important key to developing courage and perseverance for the long haul.
#6. Develop Relationships With Older Mentors
Proverbs 27:10 says, “Never abandon a friend— either yours or your father’s.”
This verse implies that we gain strength and wisdom from learning to know people our own age and our parents’ age.
Seek out an older couple who has an exemplary, happy, and long marriage and explore what has kept them together.
Ask them to share with you the secrets of how to stay strong long term.
Learn from their marriage advice and wisdom and follow their example.
They may even be able to give you practical advice for the specialized situations you experience with your spouse.
#7. Don’t Ignore Your Spouse’s “Bids” For Attention
In his book, Reconnect, Steve Call, Ph.D. says that couples are constantly sending out “bids” for attention.
Like a slight nose-scratch or cough from a bidder at an auction, some of these bids are subtle and hard to notice.
Nonetheless, spouses are constantly asking one another for connection in small ways.
For example, if they hint at going out to eat, taking a walk, chatting about the day, or playing a board game,
make sure you don’t brush off this small invitation.
Notice their “bid” for attention and respond with kindness.
By any chance, if you’re not available right then, make sure you schedule another time when the two of you could connect.
If you make a habit of dismissing or ignoring your spouse’s bids, she or he may stop asking, and your relationship will suffer.
#8. Focus On “Crock Pot Relationships” Instead Of “Instant Microwave Relationships.”
In our culture of instant availability, it’s easy to assume that following a few steps, pressing a few buttons, and learning a few “hacks” can help you develop a successful marriage.
However, relationships are one thing that never develops instantly.
No matter how quickly you may have fallen in love, “love at first sight” doesn’t ensure that your relationship will progress easily and automatically.
Mike Bechtle says, “There are no shortcuts to maturity.
There are no shortcuts to healthy relationships. Maturity takes time.”
#9. Face Shame And Contempt Head On
According to Dan Allender, “a loyal commitment to a zero-contempt relationship” is one of the most critical elements in any marriage.
Especially when there has been vulnerability or hurt in the life of one spouse, a no-contempt rule is critical.
Dan Allender goes on, “No matter the issue, no matter its importance, contempt must be viewed as dangerous as lighting a match to look into a gas tank.”
In order to understand contempt, we need to also examine the shame in our lives.
Shame is the fear of disconnection and abandonment that stems from our belief about who we are as a person.
When we feel shame, we often turn to contempt to distract us from those feelings of abandonment and disconnection.
Instead of learning to feel secure in our identity, we blame someone near us or show contempt for ourselves.
#10. Don’t Allow Conflicts To Gridlock
The Gottman Institute provides excellent food for thought when it says that in some conflicts,
resolution is not necessarily possible in the way we traditionally think of it.
Solvable conflicts are simple logistical challenges or differences of opinion that can be fixed by discussing them.
Unsolvable problems, however, are clashes between personalities or values that will come up over and over ago and will never truly go away.
Some couples work endlessly to try to solve these problems, running themselves into corners, becoming defensive, being angry, or shutting down.
John Gottman, Ph.D suggests approaching these issues with continuing dialogue.
He recommends “humor, affection, and even amusement, to actively cope with the unresolvable problems,
You may think that all of life is going to be an upward of success and victory.
However, Jesus calls us to the life of death, self-sacrifice, and love that he demonstrated while he was on earth.
Ephesians 5 specifically says that husbands are called love with self-sacrificial, dying love.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25
In his book, J-Curve, Paul Miller emphasizes that dying with Christ is a big part of life.
We admire Jesus’ sacrificial love so much that we actually re-enact it daily.
Practice sacrificial love that is enveloped in the mutual respect that promotes your shared values.
This is a great virtue that can serve as a bedrock of any relationship.
Respect is the bedrock of any solid relationship. It’s impossible for any relationship to thrive without RESPECT.
Like the residents of Medicine Lodge, Kansas, who re-enact a historic peace treaty in a monumental pageant every three years, we are called to re-enact Jesus’ life of sacrificial love—not every three years, but every day.
“When you realize that death is at the center of love, it is quietly liberating.
Instead of fighting the death that comes with love, you embrace what your Father has given you. A tiny resurrection begins in your heart.”—Paul Miller
Intimacy should be emotional, mental, and physical closeness and not just sexual.
You must always make time to connect intimately.
This type of intimacy is a feeling that is much more deeper and solid than a romantic feeling. This is one marriage advice all couples in long term relationships agree to be one of their secrets.
Whether your marriage is hanging by a thread or healthy and strong, The Love Dare is a journey you need to take. You will learn the keys to finding true intimacy and developing a dynamic marriage.
#12. Regain Perspective As A Couple
When you start your marriage, it is important to create habits and rituals of connection.
Take time to regain perspective as a couple!
It’s important to think through your schedules, priorities, weekly events, and check-ins.
However, it is equally important to reevaluate those goals, rituals, and habits often as the years pass.
Don’t just get into a habit and continue with it for 20 years without taking a step back to see if those routines are still necessary.
Periodically review your goals, values, habits, and customs.
See if these rituals are working for you and evaluate whether you should change them or add new ones.
Although routines are important, ruts are not always helpful.
Make sure to check in from time to time to make sure you are still on the same page.
Life isn’t easy, and marriage is not for the faint of heart.
With these proven secrets to a long-lasting marriage relationship under your belt, you will gain the perspective, courage, and endurance that you need.
They will help you learn how to stay strong and intentional and long-term in your “Kingdom Marriage“.
Secrets To A Long Marriage Relationship: Words To Live By Everyday:
You can post these words where you can see them often.
Remembering them will help you and your partner to maintain a happy marriage that can withstand the most associated challenges.
-PATIENCE.
-UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
-FORGIVENESS
-KINDNESS.
-PERSEVERANCE.
-RELENTLESS.
-INTENTIONAL.
-MOTIVATED.
-COMPASSION.
-INTIMACY.
-GRATEFUL.
-MERCY.
-GRACE.
-MEEKNESS.
-COURAGE.
-HONESTY.
-RESPECT.
-TRUST.
-EMPATHY.
-FOCUSED.
-POSITIVE EMOTIONS.
As Always, Just hang on tight. Do Your best and leave the rest to a Faithful God. STAY BLESSED……
