“Dating for the Socially Awkward: Overcome social anxiety and gain the confidence to get the girl you desire” by Jouhzu, is a total self-improvement journey.
The thought of being with your crush brings you feelings of excitement, yet the idea of initiating things with them brings feelings of discomfort and dread.
You’ve had opportunity after opportunity to approach your dream girl and ask her out, but each time you find yourself stumbling over your words, unable to truly articulate your attraction to her.
•If you lack self-confidence out of fear, then this will keep you believing in yourself and help you in attracting a great partner.
Asking a girl out is a challenge for many men. The fear and anxiety of rejection is enough to make a man do without a woman he really cares for.
There’s no foolproof guide on how to ask the girl of your dreams on a date.
You have to try different approaches.
We are all blessed with a unique combination of qualities, preferences, and social styles; there simply can’t be one perfect way of approaching someone.
This post is not meant to be a rule book, but rather a collection of tips you can use to better yourself and your mindset when approaching the woman of your heart.
Let’s dive into some of the tips you can utilize to approach your dream girl and probably land a date.
#1. Know Your value
The first tip on how to approach your dream girl is to know yourself and your value.
One thing a man must strive to have before they approach anything in life is a sense of self-worth.
In order to confidently approach a woman, you must know you have something valuable to bring to the table.
You may not have all the money in the world or may not be the most popular guy in the room, but these are not things that make a person, and limit a person to external validation.
The only person’s validation you require is God’s and your own.
You are more than money or status, you are filled with kindness, valor, and intelligence, and much more!
When you understand you possess a combination of unique God-given qualities, you realize you are more than enough for your dream girl.
When you become secure in the fact that you have so much to offer, the thought of initiating a date with the woman of your dreams seems less daunting.
Women appreciate a man that is sure of himself and his God-given strengths-it’s an indication of the great partner he’ll be.
An additional word of advice though, there is a thin line between arrogance and confidence.
Being sure of yourself does not mean you should forget about the importance of being humble.
Humility and Confidence work hand in hand.
#2. Be Observant
Most people, whether it’s a man or a woman, appreciate when they feel someone took the time to notice little things about them.
Being observant to detail is another tip on how to approach your dream girl.
Whether you take note of how she takes her coffee in the morning, her favorite past time, or the genre of music she loves to listen to, using the knowledge you gain can go a long way.
A woman is most likely not going to be impressed solely by your attraction for her.
Instead, she’ll appreciate the fact that you delved beyond that attraction and endeavored to get to know her as a person.
Strike up a conversation about her favorite song or ask a question about the book she’s reading.
This is an almost sure way of communicating your interest in her without focusing solely on physical attraction.
Paying attention to details can also serve as a great way to get ideas for that date you want to ask her on.
Imagine that after careful observation, you notice your crush loves art.
Asking her out to an art museum or a painting class would be met with much more interest and enthusiasm than if you blindly suggested something else.
#3. Form a Friendship
Forming a solid friendship is another tip on how to approach your dream girl.
I know, I know. You probably rolled your eyes when you read that.
Why would you set yourself up for the awful, dreaded, friend zone? However, the key to a successful relationship is a strong friendship.
• Oprah Love Expert Reveals the Secrets For You To Have the Relationship of Your Dreams.
Earlier, we discussed how being observant could help put you in the position to ask your dream girl on a date.
Some aspects of a person, though, can’t be inferred from observation so much as it can from the regular conversation.
By forming a friendship with your potential date, you stand the chance of really getting to know her.
And by getting to know her, you increase your chances of landing a date.
There’re even more advantages to forming a friendship with your crush: A friendship tears down walls and creates comfort.
Remember when you first met your ideal woman and how hard it was to form complete sentences around her?
Maybe with time, it got a little easier to say a few words, although the thought of asking her on a date still makes you anxious.
With time and continued proximity, you got a little more comfortable.
Imagine if you two formed a friendship. That type of bond would definitely make you feel more comfortable around her and allow you to be yourself.
When we approach each other in a climate of friendship, we do not have the pressure to be accepted or rejected.
•She gets to learn more about you.
Friendship is not only an opportunity for you to learn more about your dream partner, but also an avenue for her to get to know you.
Perhaps you have common interests or admirable strengths.
Perhaps you have quirks or mannerisms that she could find adorable.
A friendship is an opportunity to present who you are without the added pressure to perform. It’s an organic, healthy way of allowing all aspects of you to shine.
•You get to see if there is actual compatibility.
For the longest, you’ve admired your crush from afar.
You’ve observed some things, had a few conversations here and there, but every interaction has been only on the surface.
You don’t know enough about her to gauge whether you’re genuinely a match.
While dating is a way to gauge if there is an affinity for one another, a friendship does the same, but with an added benefit- there is no pressure.
When you decide to pursue a genuine friendship, you don’t have to worry about performing or making grand gestures that may not be organic.
#4. Show Her The Respect She Deserves
Romans 12:10 says to “Love one another with brotherly affection.”
It is essential to treat all of our fellow humans with respect, and this extends to your dream girl or woman you want in your life as well.
In a world full of patriarchy and misogyny, women don’t always get the respect they deserve.
Unfortunately, some women end up with dates and partners who also won’t extend that respect.
The number one way to turn a woman off is to show clear disrespect for her and her boundaries.
Without love, the woman reacts without respect, and without respect, the man reacts without love. This initiates a painful and negative cycle in any relationship.
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book on love and respect is a great resource for anyone interested in a long-lasting relationship.
While this can get you the date, you’ve wanted, it can have disastrous results as well.
In his book “No Excuses,” Dr. Tony Evans “urges men to stop looking at their circumstances as excuses and instead to see them as challenges and opportunities for success.”
Be a man of honesty and integrity, and you will attract the woman of your dreams!
#6. Invite Her To Church
One way to get a good woman to gravitate towards you is to include her in personal activities that don’t have an air of expectation.
One great way to form a friendship and easing communication between you and your crush is to invite them to church with you.
It can be something more intimate such as a bible study, or it could be a mid-week or a Sunday service.
Maybe you could connect over your mutual love for similar worship styles.
Or perhaps the pastor’s topic of the day could strike up a deep conversation.
Most importantly, inviting her to something personal and intimate like a church is an excellent way of communicating how important she is to you.
You wouldn’t invite just anyone to church with you, to be amongst you and the people you fellowship with.
This is a great segue to asking her out because when you do, she’ll know it’s not just a superficial date you’re asking for; you really want to connect with her on a deeper level.
#7. Communicate Clearly
Always work on being the best communicator you can.
When you do get around to asking your dream girl on a date, it will take clear communication so she can have a good idea of what your intentions are.
Good communication is one of the things that keeps a relationship intact.
Whether you strike up an initial friendship or simply ask her out, good communication is key.
Sometimes, being an excellent communicator is hard for people because of the amount of vulnerability it entails.
Most people have a fear of opening up themselves to rejection or being the subject of negative judgment, so they tend to avoid directly communicating their wants, feelings, or thoughts to protect themselves.
Unfortunately, there is no set way of avoiding rejection or negative judgment.
When you open yourself up to someone, you’re taking a risk. However, the potential gains from clear communication greatly outweigh the potential losses.
Communicating clearly ties back to your security in who you are as a person.
When you are confident in who you are and know your value, it’s easier to put yourself in a vulnerable position.
Regardless of the outcome, you know that you are a man of valor, and any woman would be lucky to go on a date with you.
If they accept it, excellent. If they don’t, it’s their loss.
A good woman will have a deep appreciation for a man who is willing to go out on a limb to communicate his intent and feelings.
Don’t hesitate to communicate clearly. Be true to yourself and to what you feel in your heart.
#8. Just Do it- Ask her out!
Your dream girl could end up being your soulmate.
She could end up being the partner that God created for you.
You may have seen the catch phrase, “It’s the small moments that make life big,” plastered in a sentimental scrapbook or posted beside a baby photo on social media.
But have you ever taken the time to think carefully about the truth behind this statement?
We often work, labor, and stress to achieve the great moments: a vacation, a college degree, or a great milestone.
But we don’t often take the time to realize that each and everyday experience with our friends, spouses, and children are the stuff of life.
It takes more than just love to keep any relationship, especially a marriage relationship, strong and healthy.
Without the little gestures and consistent, persistent prayers, the big achievements will have no significance.
Click here for the enchanted 4-sentence prayer can give you boundless blessings in 7 days! Transformational!
Be spontaneous. Avoid being predictable.
Here are some small steps and gestures you can try every day and often to show your spouse that you love them.
These small gestures can save your marriage relationship.
They are simple and practicable.
Moreover, these gestures don’t take a lot of time or money.
Some of them will take just a second or two of your time.
It’s simple, painless, and a free way to improve your quality of life and your marriage relationship.
Show that you are truly happy to see him or her.
Take the time to smile. It’s one of the small gestures that matter.
2. Say Thank You
A married couple with nearly forty years of experience shares that one of the most meaningful small things/gestures in their marriage was thankfulness.
The husband thanked his wife for daily chores and small tasks she performed for the family.
Daily, he thanked her for the delicious meals she created.
By example, he taught their children to cultivate a habit of thankfulness.
Saying thank you is another example of small things that make a big difference in any relationship.
Often we get too comfortable in a marriage relationship and start taking small things like saying thank you or showing gratitude for granted.
3. Ask Questions
Engage your spouse in meaningful conversations.
Show you care by asking about their day.
Do a simple online search for conversation starters for couples, then bring those questions into your daily life.
Don’t just rotate in the same ruts that you’ve always used.
Try to bring in new topics of conversation and learn something new about your spouse every day.
Pack a special food item in your spouse’s lunch box or show up at his or her work with chocolates or flowers.
Why not try tucking a love note into a lunch box, in a drawer, under a pillow, or even in your spouse’s shoes?
Listen to your spouse’s conversation and try to tune in to the small nuances that provide clues to the things they like and dislike.
Then surprise them with a small gift “just because.”
It will bring a smile to your loved one’s face and help sustain your marriage relationship.
5. Love Texts Can transform a marriage relationship
Sometimes the most powerful small things include showing that someone remembers you.
Show your spouse you are thinking of him or her by sending him a love note or prayer by text!
Send him or her a message during the day, letting them know you are thinking of them and praying for them.
Remember the events that your spouse has scheduled for the day and ask how those things are going.
Colossians 3:12 says, “Clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”
Showing your partner you are thinking of him or her is a way to demonstrate kindness and gentleness to one another.
6. Simple Touch
Simple touch means a brief, playful touch that brings connection.
Pat their shoulder, caress their hair, do a special handshake, or give a brief kiss or hug.
Do these rituals every day to enrich your life and your marriage.
Reach out and make the first move.
Show your spouse you care and want to connect.
Show you care. Every touch shouldn’t be for sex.
7. Create Daily Rituals
Every relationship should have rhythms and patterns of connection. These patterns lend stability to relationships.
Check in every morning over coffee. Hold hands and pray. Call each other at lunch time and check in.
Have special and specific times off social media and other devices. This is big one these days!
Take time each week to go over that week’s schedule and pray together over your week.
Daily bible based devotions together are great!!
A family that prays together stays together, they say.
Doing your rituals on a regular, recurring basis will help you and your spouse feel safe.
Becky Bailey calls these rituals of connection, “I Love You Rituals.”
She says that I Love You Rituals contain four ingredients: playfulness, simple touch, presence, and gentle eye contact.
While most of her I Love You Rituals are geared for adults connecting with children, partners can similarly incorporate the same principles into their interactions with one another.
Are you truly present with your spouse during that quick kiss?
Do you touch them gently, look fondly into their eyes, and express playfulness and joy?
It’s the little things that matter.
8. Respond to Your Spouse’s “Bids”
Steve Call says that couples are constantly sending out “bids” for attention.
Like a slight nose-scratch or cough from a bidder at an auction, some of these bids are subtle and hard to notice.
Nonetheless, spouses are constantly asking one another for connection in small ways.
It’s important to notice and respond positively to your spouse’s bid for attention.
If they hint at going out to eat, taking a walk, chatting about the day, or playing a board game, make sure you don’t brush off this small invitation.
Notice their “bid” for attention and respond with kindness.
If you’re not available right then, then make sure you schedule another time when the two of you could connect.
If you make a habit of dismissing or ignoring your spouse’s bids, she or he may stop asking, and your relationship will suffer.
9. Give Them Wildflowers
How about finding a small bouquet of lovely sweet peas, daisies, trumpet vine, or daffodils?
Wildflowers are a small but significant way to add beauty and love to your spouse’s life.
Even if not expensive, a small gesture like this shows your spouse that you took time and effort to show them that you love them.
Wildflowers is another example of small things that matter.
What are other things you think you can do to strengthen your marriage relationship?
10. Say “I Love You.”
Sometimes we assume that others know that we love them. But the words matter.
Many songs have been written on the importance of verbalizing our love.
Sometimes, we realize too late that we should have been more diligent about speaking love out loud.
Ron Hamilton’s song reminds us, “Life is but a vapor, quickly vanishing away. Wait until tomorrow, and your change may flee away.
Give a fragrant flower while its beauty still can charm. Give a kiss to warm the longing heart.
Say ‘I love you’ while the heart can feel. Say ‘I love you’ while the heat can heal.
Make a heart rejoice, give your love a voice. Speak the words while you can say ‘I love you.”
Unconditional love should be expressed every day.
11. Be a Good Listener
Proverbs 18:13 says, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”
Take time to really hear what your spouse is saying to you.
Be an empathetic listener.
Give them your full attention, make eye contact, nod, and ask clarifying questions.
Assure your spouse that they are important to you by listening to what they are sharing with you—even if it seems trivial.
Don’t be quick to provide solutions. Often your partner just wants you to listen.
12. Don’t Go To Asleep Angry.
In Ephesians 4, Paul puts limits on our anger. While anger is a powerful force that can sometimes be used for good, it has potential for great harm.
In this passage, Paul helps us understand helpful boundaries for our anger.
Ephesians 4:26 says, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
In other words, we are permitted to experience the energy of anger that helps mobilize us to do something about an unjust situation we care deeply about.
But God puts a 24-hour time limit on anger.
We are not allowed to sin in our anger through gossip, hatred, slander, selfishness, or revenge.
We are also not allowed to hang onto it for long.
Anger always morphs into something selfish and destructive.
God encourages people to deal with their anger before the sun goes down, so we do not carry it with us into the next day.
Sometimes, it’s not wise to talk about conflicts before you go to bed, since both of you may be stressed, exhausted, and in need of sleep.
However, aim to talk through your situation in that 24-hour window.
Seek peace and reconciliation as soon as possible.
Forgive, and don’t hold onto your anger.
13. Be An Encourager in your marriage relationship
Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another every day, while it is called today, so that not one of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.”
Life can be intensely discouraging, so don’t take for granted the importance of your encouragement to your spouse.
If you are running dry on encouraging things to say, just do a simple online search for encouraging quotes and words of encouragement for a spouse.
Then use them! Don’t miss a day!
14. Don’t assume anything in your marriage relationship
Mike Bechtle wrote the following commentary on the importance of not making assumptions:
“Someone said, ‘In the absence of data, we tend to make things up.’
That’s why it’s important to keep talking about hard issues. If we don’t, we won’t know what the other person is thinking.
So we start believing our made-up perspectives, imagining things that aren’t there and assuming they’re true.”
Seek to always ask questions, clarify conversations first, and believe the best.
Moreover, never assume you know what your spouse is thinking or what their motivations are.
Always ask! Don’t be a mind reader.
15. Spend Time Together, but also Spend Time Alone
Sherry Turkle, in her excellent book, Reclaiming The Conversation: the Power of Talk in a Digital Age, said, “Loneliness is painful, emotionally and even physically, born from a want of intimacy” when we need it most, in early childhood. Solitude—the capacity to be contentedly and constructively alone—is built from successful human connection at just that time.”
Avoid loneliness by prioritizing your spouse and making sure they feel loved, cared for, and listened to.
Go on dates and prioritize one-on-one conversations away from children.
Similarly, have a healthy balance between alone time and together time.
16. Accept Each Other
Romans 15:5-7 provides a beautiful vision of the church that can also be applied to marriage.
“Now may the God who gives endurance and encouragement grant you harmony with one another in Christ Jesus, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring glory to God.”
God, therefore, encourages us to see a vision of oneness, harmony, and unity. Praise to God.
However, in order to reach that point, we must accept one another.
Your spouse may have a different personality than you do, for instance.
He may have different likes or dislikes. She may also have quirks.
But successful marriages must be based on unconditional love and acceptance.
Understand you are not perfect, therefore your spouse cannot be perfect either.
You are both “work in progress”. Two imperfect people striving to make it by the grace of God in an imperfect world.
Show your spouse that you truly delight in him or her, just the way he or she is.
The Bible says it’s the little things that matter. “For who has despised the day of small things?” God asks in Zechariah 4:10.
The Lord God says that the tiny mustard seed can grow into a giant tree (Mark 4:10).
A tiny bit of yeast can spread through an entire lump of dough (Matthew 13:33).
On the flip side, a tiny negative word of anger or hatred can spread, causing great destruction and devastation (James 3:5).
In conclusion, it’s worth our time to make sure that the small moments in a marriage relationship are healthy, beautiful, and nurturing to our spouse.
It’s not the heart-stopping moments of romance, the breathtaking honeymoon destinations, or the great accomplishments that make a marriage successful.
How Do I Make My Relationship Stay Strong – 16 Ways
