According to scientific research, gratitude is one of the best ways to boost your mental health and physical well-being.
This is what Robert Emmons, the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude wrote, “it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts, and benefits we’ve received.”
This article discusses studies that seem to suggest that gratitude is good for your health.
Tip #4 on How To Teach A Child About Gratitude = Say Thank You
Gratitude enhances and builds relationships.
Even the youngest of children can learn to say, “Thank you.”
With their chubby little hands, they can form the sign language words that express gratitude.
These two words, “thank you,” are the first words parents often teach their kids.
Energetic and zealous, parents demand that their children give thanks for any gift received or service offered.
Often, children end up expressing gratitude by rote.
Other times, their words are insincere.
Gratitude does not produce all the scientific benefits unless it is heartfelt.
How can we make sure that our children are not saying these words by rote?
How can we ensure their words are meaningful and genuine?
The author of the book, Nonviolent Communication, shares tips about expressing effective gratitude towards others.
In his article, he shares three steps to effective gratitude:
1. Observations.
Teach your children to make observations about what their friend or relative did for them. Like,
A. Mom tied my shoes.
B. Grandma bought me a present.
C. Dad brought me a hamburger after work.
Even if your child didn’t like the gift itself, she can express gratefulness for the motive behind it. “Thank you, Grandma, for taking the time to go shopping and buying me a gift.”
Teach your child to express gratitude in full sentences.
2. Feelings – Teach your kids to describe their feelings about their friend or relative’s kind action or gift.
A. “Mom, when you tied my shoes, I felt relieved…”
B. “Grandma, when you bought me a present, I felt loved…”
C. “Dad, when you brought me a hamburger, I felt happy…”
3. Need – Finally, help your kids express the need that that their friend or relative met.
A. “Mom, when you tied my shoes, I felt relieved because I wanted to go outside and play.”
B. “Grandma, when you bought me a present, I felt loved because I knew you were thinking about me.”
C. “Dad, when you brought me a hamburger, I felt happy because I was hungry and you remember my favorite types of burgers.”
In summary, an effective gratitude statement includes the action that was performed, the feeling that was produced, and the need that was met.
This formula helps avoid rote gratitude.
It also helps you avoid saying “thank you” as a way to manipulate someone.
Think how good you would feel if someone used this formula on you!
“When you stopped by to ask if I needed something (Observation), I felt happy (Feeling) because I had been very lonely and anxious today. (Need)”
Tip #5 on How To Teach A Child About Gratitude = Thank You Notes
Writing thank you note may seem like an ancient, outdated practice.
In reality, it is a wonderful habit to teach t today’s generation of kids.
If you are quarantined or shut inside during winter, now is an excellent time to start developing this skill in children.
Children can rediscover the joy of letter-writing.
Ask your children to name one person who has influenced and encouraged them.
Maybe it’s someone whom they have missed during the pandemic.
Have them write a letter expressing gratitude to this teacher, friend, or classmate.
Now is the time to teach children about envelopes, stamps, and postage.
Kids can learn how to address an envelope and write a return address.
They can practice their skills of letter heading, greeting, body of the letter, and closing.
Are you willing to send a thank-you note to someone you’ve never met?
Then you are willing to take your gratitude journey to the next level!
Why not share the gratitude with someone who’s discouraged?
The organization “More Love Letters” devotes itself to inspiring people to write handwritten letters to people who are going through tough times.
Go on the website and help your children select a discouraged individual to write to.
Looking back in your gratitude journal, you’ll be able to see how God has provided for you in a very difficult time.
Then share the good news with someone else!
The “More Love Letters” website always shares about the kind and sacrificial acts that the discouraged individual has performed.
He or she is having a tough time remembering his own goodness right now.
Express gratitude to that person for the kindness, sacrifice, and hope they have shared with others.
Small Love Gestures that Keep a Relationship Going Strong.
You may have seen the catchphrase, “It’s the small moments that make life big,” plastered in a sentimental scrapbook or posted beside a baby photo on social media.
But have you ever taken the time to think carefully about the truth behind this statement?
We often work, labor, and stress to achieve great moments: a vacation, a college degree, or a great milestone.
But we don’t take the time to realize that each everyday experience with our friends, spouses, and children are the stuff of life.
The love dare is a 40-day challenge for husbands and wives to understand and practice unconditional love.
It’s the small love gestures that keep any relationship going good.
Show you care by asking about their day. You can ask as soon as they get home or over dinner.
Do a simple online search for conversation starters for couples, then bring those questions into your daily life.
Here’s a link to 100 questions that every couple needs in their relationship – the questions were specifically designed to build trust, openness, and eventually feelings of deep intimacy.
Don’t just rotate in the same ruts that you’ve always used.
Try to bring in new topics of conversation and learn something new about your spouse every day.
Asking your partner about their day is a small love gesture that shows that you care.
#4. Surprise Your Partner With gifts As a Love Gesture
Listen to your spouse’s conversation and try to tune into the small nuances that provide clues to the things they like and dislike.
Then surprise them with gifts “just because.” It will bring a smile to your spouse’s face.
Meaningful gift ideas include flowers, gourmet chocolates, special cookies, perfumes/colognes, or anything that can make their day special.
Essential oils – EO, is not a woman’s only thing anymore.
Reach out and make the first move. Show your spouse you care and want to connect.
#7. Create Daily Rituals In Your Relationship
Every relationship should have rhythms and patterns of connection.
These patterns lend stability to relationships.
Check-in every morning over coffee. Hold hands and pray. Call each other at lunchtime and check-in.
Take time each week to go over that week’s schedule and pray together over your week.
Doing your rituals on a regular, recurring basis will help you and your spouse feel safe.
Becky Bailey calls these rituals of connection, “I Love You Rituals.”
She says that “I Love You Rituals” contains four ingredients: playfulness, simple touch, presence, and gentle eye contact.
While most of her I Love You Rituals are geared for adults connecting with children, partners can incorporate the same principles into their interactions with one another.
Are you truly present with your spouse during that quick kiss? Do you touch them gently, look fondly into their eyes, and express playfulness and joy?
It’s these little things that matter.
#8. Respond To Your Spouse’s “Bids.”
Dr. Steve Call says that couples are constantly sending out “bids” for attention.
Marriage Advice Every Newly Married Couple Must Know.
Christian Couples with 31+ years of Happy, Healthy, Successful experience share 31 Lessons learned in Marriage.
Let’s explore some of their best Christian marriage advice for newlyweds!
Through the happy days of romance, love warms you, fills you, and lifts you to new heights.
Congratulations on your new wedding!
Marriage mirrors God’s relationship with His people.
Successful marriages require way more than physical attraction, love, and common interests.
Like the torch in a hot air balloon, romantic love gives you the thrill of seeing your loved one from 10,000 feet as your love soars.
Once the marriage begins, however, the rubber meets the road.
The hot air balloon lands. Reality sets in.
The daily walk together, on the ground, is about to begin.
Here are 31 must know practical, Christian marriage advice for newlyweds that will help you through the new, daily journey that you are beginning with your spouse.
Use this proven best biblical marriage advice for newlyweds to build a strong foundation for your relationship.
Marriage God’s Way is a Biblical Recipe for Healthy, Joyful, Christ-Centered Relationships.
“Many conflicts would be effectively avoided if you do your best to get to learn about each other,” is one marriage advice for newlyweds from a lady married for 32 years.
Build on the special bond between two of you and strive to be each others BFF.
Adjusting to living with each other initially may be difficult.
It is necessary and essential to patiently understand your spouse to avoid even the smallest conflicts that could erupt into bigger ones.
An excellent tool for learning about your spouse is taking a personality test.
A personality test is aimed at improving interpersonal relationships, and promoting positive attitudes towards people who are different, in the areas of understanding, appreciation and respect.
Tests like DISC, Enneagram personality test assessments, 16 Personalities tests, Nanaya, the 5 love languages, or the Gothman Institute’s Relationship Quiz are some tests you can try.
They can help you get started in discovering new realities about your spouse.
What activities energize your spouse? It’s better to know for real than to guess.
Dr. Gottman, the country’s foremost relationship expert, talks about nurturing fondness and admiration in the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.
Make sure you bring these topics out into the open as soon as possible in the relationship and have a plan in these areas.
Adjusting and willing to compromise here and there will help reduce a lot of fighting in making sure household chores are completed; marriage advice for newlyweds from Liz married close to 32 years.
5. Learn About Perpetual Conflicts
The topic of chores is an area that the Gottman Institute would label as a solvable conflict.
If you discuss this issue with clarity and compassion and come to a mutual compromise, the topic can be easily solved.
But The Gottman Institute provides food for thought when it says that some types of conflicts are not solvable.
While solvable conflicts are simple logistical challenges or differences of opinion that can be fixed by discussing them,
unsolvable problems are clashes between personalities or values that will come up over and over and will never truly go away except with divine intervention.
He recommends “humor, affection, and even amusement, to actively cope with the unresolvable problem, rather than allowing it to fall into the condition of gridlock.”
Dr. Dan Allender, a prominent Christian therapist says that couples must have “a loyal commitment to a zero-contempt relationship. No matter the issue, no matter its importance, contempt must be viewed as dangerous as lighting a match to look into a gas tank.”
8. Be Proactive About Conflicts
Dr. Allender goes on, “Contempt arises like smoke from the fire of shame.”
Shame is the fire and contempt is the smoke, and you will need to develop a “smoke detector” in your marriage.
Meet proactively at least once a week to discuss issues, hurts, sins, conflicts, and things that have been unsaid that need to be addressed.
Make sure these issues are detected early, while they are still small and healthy.
Try to uncover feelings of inadequacy before they explode into an incendiary.
James 5:16 – Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.
According to author Gary Thomas, in “Sacred Marriage” “We have to stop asking of marriage what God never designed it to give — perfect happiness, conflict-free living, and idolatrous obsession.”
Instead, he invites us to see how God can use marriage as a discipline and a motivation to love God more and reflect more on the character of His Son, together as a couple.
9. Trust And Respect Each Other Including Each Other’s Space
“A marriage without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it as long as you want, but it won’t go anywhere.” -Unknown
No relationship can thrive without trust and respect.
Your spouse should be confident that they are with someone they can completely trust and confide their feelings, thoughts, worries, and concerns to.
Married couples are one flesh and joined together in Christ for life, therefore they should understand what respecting boundaries is early in the relationship.
Yet at the same time, they are also individually created children of God.
Your spouse may need time to be alone with God or just to reflect, decompress, or relax.
Allow your spouse some space and don’t seek to manipulate or demand every minute of his or her time.
Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us, “In humility consider others more important than yourselves. Each of you should look at not only your own interests, but also at the interests of others.”
The bible says we are to “Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.”
In other words, this means that you treat your spouse in the same way you would want to be treated.
Respectable boundaries in your marriage, foster trust and belief.
“Respecting your spouse includes not saying bad things or discussing them with other people, friends, family, co-workers, and others” – another marriage advice for newlyweds from Laura – married for 34 years.
10. Don’t Let Marriage Become An Idol
The thrill and closeness that marriage can bring are meant to be a breathtaking picture of our special relationship with Christ.
At the same time, we can’t begin to assume that marriage itself is our relationship with Christ or that our spouse is our god or ultimate focus.
“Our spouse is not our ultimate place of fulfillment,” stated another lady with 40 years marriage experience on biblical advice for newly weds.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer encourages Christians to be careful not to make human love an end in itself.
He describes the dangerous thinking patterns of idolatrous love: “Nothing, not even the truth, must come between” the two lovers.
The only goal of life, to which everything else must bend, is “the other person, his company, his answering love.”
When we think like this, our relationship is unhealthy and in danger.
11. Get Excited About God’s Work In Your Spouse
In the middle of daily stresses and conflicts that come with jobs, careers, housework, chores, and kids, it can be easy to lose sight of the beauty of what Christ is doing in your spouse’s life.
Try to catch a glimpse of the exciting work God is doing.
The similarity in beliefs, goals, and objectives are virtues in any relationship, but it’s good for any spouse to appreciate any positive attitude or change towards a greater knowledge of Christ by the other spouse.
Trust the ways God can change your spouse!
12. Pray Together
As children of God, one of the most important things you can do with your new spouse is to talk to your Heavenly Father together.
Short Daily devotionals with bible passages will sometimes encourage couples to pray together.
Newly married couples must know that relationships have plenty of bumps along the way, and prayer is the shock absorber that helps make the journey a little less difficult.
Practically, try going on a prayer walk together. Hold hands and pray.
Colossians 4:2 instructs us to “Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.” ESV
Start the morning with prayer. End the day with prayer. A family that prays together stays together, they say.
Pray about fears, difficulties, conflicts, and decisions. Surprise each other by calling to pray together.
Make prayer a part of your everyday experience with your spouse.
The Bible agrees that when people pray together their petitions are heard by God: Matthew 18:19: “Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.”
13. Pray For Each Other
Similar to the last point, this point emphasizes an important lesson learned in marriage.
Prayer is a powerful tool to touch the heart of your spouse—and to change your own heart in the process.
In moments of conflicts or discord, your knee-jerk reaction may be rehashing the situation in your mind or with your words.
Instead of mulling, try turning to Christ with the conflict. Pray for your spouse.
This is probably the best marriage advice for newlyweds.
In his book, Life Together, Bonhoeffer said we should “speak to Christ more about a brother than to a brother about Christ.”
In other words, talk to God about your spouse even more than you talk to your spouse about problems, issues, or concerns.
Bring your spouse’s hopes, dreams, failures, sins, and struggles to the Lord in prayer.As you do, you may see that God wants to change you as well.
14. Compliment One Another
Go out of your way to express thankfulness for your spouse.
Speak words of gratefulness directly to your husband or wife, and intentionally speak well of them to others within their earshot.
Keeping a gratitude journal about your spouse will help you have compliments at your fingertips. Writing a thank you heartfelt sweet note, a gift or card are simple ways of expressing thankfulness.
Even before your children are born, create traditions, rituals, and habits of celebration for your household.
Special surprise or moment on a birthday morning, an Advent chain counting down the days to Christmas, caroling to neighbors,
taking walks together or getting up by candlelight on Christmas morning are simple acts that can help bond your new family together.
Start by combining holiday traditions from your families of origin.
Then brainstorm and research ideas to form new traditions of your very own.
16. Look For Ways To Serve
Doing dishes, filling glasses of water, checking the doors at night, balancing the checkbook, fueling, washing, and maintaining the car are simple ways to show your spouse you care.
Decide to fix breakfast so that your partner could sleep longer.
Have the mindset that you are a team and you are in this together and find ways to intentionally serve each other.
But what about more descriptive acts?
We can imitate Christ’s self-giving love when we do distasteful tasks such as cleaning the bathroom, dealing with rodents and insects, or fixing the plumbing.
17. Forgive Early And Often
Couples who have been married for many years share lessons they have learned in their marriage.
They all say that forgiveness is a very important and practical aspect of a long-lasting marriage relationship.
Every human being has the capacity to sin.
In any marriage, even the most peaceful, couples will definitely sin against each other.
As Christians, we do not grant our spouse forgiveness because they deserve it, but as an act of mercy and grace covered by unconditional love.
It is very important that you continually forgo the hurts you go through caused by your spouse and resolve to start the relationship afresh.
One of the most important lessons newly married couple must grasp is forgiveness.It’s better to forgive quickly rather than holding on to a grudge.
And it’s better to assume the best and forgive as a knee-jerk reaction rather than assuming the worst.
18. Confess When You Are Wrong
Confession is often very hard but very necessary.
A seasoned spouse shares, “If I am wrong, I have to say so. Staying angry or insisting on my own rights is not an option. Over the years, this has been a struggle, but practice does make it come a little easier and more quickly.”
Dr. Bonnie Badenoch explains that couples become more resilient every time they work to repair a “break in connection.”
Couples who have worked to repair their broken bonds can actually feel closer after the reconciliation than before the conflict happened.
Early in your marriage, seek to clarify common goals, values, dreams, and desires.
When your family has joint goals and you are all working together to meet them, a special bond will be created.
20. Managing Careers
As you create joint goals, seek to understand your spouse’s independent career goals.
How can you work to help your spouse succeed in their career?
How can you each support each other in your individual goals and dreams?
Make sure to clarify early in your marriage the role that careers will play in your lives.
Prioritize spending time together outside of work.
Work together to establish work schedules that are best for your union.
Be an encourager to your spouse. Be their best cheerleader.
21. Start Investigating Child-Rearing
Couples may imagine that they will have years to get to know each other, pursue careers, and casually learn about child-rearing before children will arrive on the scene.
But some couples are surprised by how quickly God sends little ones into their lives and families.
Start right away to define your shared values regarding child-rearing.
Research different issues related to raising children, and be clear about your shared values in this area.
Get genuine advice from your wise parents, especially mothers and trusted friends who have been there.
22. Be Proactive In Your Relationship With God
A couple who has been married for forty years shares a lesson learned in marriage.
They say, “We emphasize the centrality of God and Scriptures to our home and life.
We try to let God’s words be continually in our mouths and to talk of them when we sit in our house, when we walk by the way, when we lie down, and when we rise up.
We spend time reading God’s word privately and together, and also work on hiding God’s word in our hearts through memorization.”
One of the best biblical advice for newlyweds is to read His word together. The word of God has positive impact in changing hearts and keeping people humble.
23. Be Careful About Expectations
Young couples often enter marriage with rosy-colored dreams and great expectations for their marriage, life, and relationship.
Mike Bechtle shares, “When we have expectations of what needs to happen, we’ll usually be disappointed.”
Instead of forming unrealistic expectations that will later be broken, he encourages couples to “replace expectations with expectancy.”
Filled with expectancy for what God will do in our relationship, we can free ourselves from unreasonable expectations and demands.
24. Express Healthy Curiosity
Be curious about your spouse’s day, experiences, feelings, job, or childhood.
Ask questions and seek to understand.
Even during challenging conversations, allow your mind to be curious about what your spouse might be thinking or feeling.
Wonder out loud or silently about the feelings or experiences that may be causing the words or reactions that your spouse is portraying.
Decide together how to manage any student loans, credit card debts, paying house bills, etc.
Have a clear understanding of how to manage bank accounts, whether joint or separate accounts or both.
Who will be responsible for actually paying the bills after the funds are apportioned?
What about your parents? Would they need help? Decide how you will accommodate extended family expenses if applicable.
Remember, it’s no longer MY money, it’s now OUR money.
27. Remember The Events That Are Important To Your Spouse
To some newlyweds, it is extremely important that their spouse remember the one-month anniversary of their marriage and the one-year anniversary of their first date or their engagement or other dates that are special.
Do your best to set a reminder on your phone so you will not forget these important days.Marriage advice for newlyweds from Linda – 36 years in marriage.
When the anniversary rolls around, respond with a simple card, back rub, flowers, words of appreciation, or another gift that would be meaningful to your spouse.
Keep in mind holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries of deaths or traumas your spouse may have experienced.
Be extra gentle on those days and seek ways to encourage your spouse.
28. Talk About Your Spiritual Life
Deuteronomy 6:7 says to talk about God’s word “when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed, and when you are getting up.”
To some people, it may seem very personal to talk about your spiritual journey with your spouse.
But talking about God together will help you stay accountable and will help you grow in your closeness to God and each other.
Talk about the church you will be attending and how involved you are going to be. This marriage advice for newlyweds should be agreed on before you start having children. It’s very important for families to worship together.
Know preachers your spouse likes to listen to, what songs they like, and sometimes just watch or listen together.
29. Talk To Your Spouse About Your Temptations
This may seem counterintuitive, but Laurie Krieg emphasizes the importance of talking to your spouse about your temptations.
Rather than pulling away in shame or fear, come to your spouse and start to talk.
This frank, straight-to-the-point, and practical book is a perfect must -read resource with tons of marriage advice for newlyweds and engaged couples.
To avoid sexual immorality, sex should be frequent and mutual.
1 Corinthians 7:5 – Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
No matter what your schedules are, make this an IMPORTANT aspect of your marriage and when you partake, let it be special, no hurry, and let it be a mix of however you both like it!
Sex should be honored, cherished, and enjoyed as a gift from God and moreover, you should not be ashamed to express yourself.
In conclusion, proactively implementing this marriage advice for newlyweds and always being open, intentionally and responsibly willing to work on your relationship can help newlywed couples build a lasting, strong, and satisfying relationship.
