It’s very likely most relationships can seriously benefit from a digital detox.
How to Digitally Detox Your Relationship: 12
Effective Ways.
Many married couples admit to being physically present in a room with no communication or interaction whatsoever going on.
Instead, they are engulfed on their laptops or scrolling through their smartphones or tablets.
It’s easy to understand the importance of digital detox and the benefit of stepping away from our phones.
How To Digitally Detox Your Marriage: 12 Effective Ways will help you not only decide to detox, but to stick with your decision long-term.
It will help you learn how to make your digital detox sustainable in your daily life.
What is a digital detox, one may ask?
A digital detox is about having a predetermined period of time when you and your partner don’t access the Internet, use technology or go online.
An intermittent digital detox will not only be beneficial in your relationship with your partner, but also with God.
How many times have you tried to hurry through devotion or time with God so that you can check your social media page?
Most of us would agree that we probably need a digital detox. We can see how social media, phones, texting, and screens steal our moments with our partners and divert our attention.
It’s been reported that the average adult spends about 11 hours on screens and media. We grudgingly acknowledge that we spend too much time on our phones and tablets,
and we know that it would be a good idea to put our phones down for a while; we may even start off on a digital detox challenge.
Turning off social media and promising you will not use your phone for a week seems simple enough.
But as the digital detox challenge progresses, we often get tripped up by one of two things.
First, we trip up because we did not change our thinking.
Second, we fail the challenge because we did not put in place other tools to replace the tools we rely on our phones.
Keep reading for a treasure trove of practical tips, effective ideas, and mental shifts that will help you digitally detox your marriage.
#1. Start Small
To prepare yourself for your digital detox challenge, start small.
For example, have “phone-free zones” in the house, sacred spaces where family members can be themselves and enjoy one another for who they are without the danger of being captured and broadcasted all over the social media world.
Another way to start small is to have a “bedtime” and a docking station for your phone. At a certain time, have everyone in the family put their phones to “bed” at a certain place. Enjoy the rest of the evening talking, reading, and winding down for the night.
#2. Social Media Fast
Another way you can start small is to have social media fast.
Let’s go over just a few reasons to quit social media for a while.
First, social media causes stress.
The anxiety of comparison, of waiting to see if you are approved, and of worrying about what others think can weigh you down and invade every thought.
We begin to filter every experience through the question, “How would this look on social media?”
This is stressful!
Second, social media tempts you to argue.
God’s word says, “The Lord’s slave must not quarrel, but must be gentle to everyone, able to teach, and patient.” – 2 Timothy 2:24.
Social media presents a strong temptation to join in with the bickering, arguing, and fighting that goes on constantly on political, social, and theological issues.
Try being off social media for a day at a time at first. Later, you can lengthen the time you stay off media.
#3. Implement The Replacement Principle
If you were about to get rid of your car, you would need to research bus routes, buy bus tickets, find stores within walking distance, or buy a bicycle.
In the same way, before you launch into a longer social media fast or digital detox challenge, you’ll need to collect the tools that will help you accomplish the things that you previously relied on your phone to accomplish for you.
Do you use your phone as a camera, map, telephone, radio, or internet browser?
For most, they use their phones and gadgets as their ultimate machine for listening and streaming music.
Then you’ll need to have other tools in place to accomplish those goals.
Many people end up justifying or making excuses for the use of their phone during a detox: “Well, I just need my phone to take a quick picture,” or, “I need to quickly lookup something on Google.”
Replacing these functions with other tools is an important key to making your detox a success.
To start with, make sure you have access to a computer with a browser, Google, and the Internet.
You might choose to go to the library to use the computer to avoid being unnecessarily distracted.
If you’re going completely screen-free, make sure to get an encyclopedia, dictionary, and a phone book!
Second, you’ll need a point and shoot camera. You can get creative with polaroid, film, or digital.
Further, make sure your house phone – is in working order and that you can get an email on your computer.
You may want to dig out or purchase a CD player or radio so you can have music.
How about a map? Google maps on your computer is a great tool, and you can print the instructions or write them down on a piece of paper.
However, a paper road map will come in handy, especially on long trips.
Finally, make sure to acquire a daily planner or a wall calendar to keep track of your appointments and dates.
With these tools in hand, you will be ready to go!
#4. Just Put Away Your Phone
Just do it. Put the phone AWAY!
You can even lock it up in a lockbox and give your spouse the key!
This is the simplest step—and the hardest—as you digitally detox your marriage. It’s not easy, but you can do it!
#5. Increase Your Focus
Now that your phone is put away, you will begin to experience some encouraging mental shifts.
First, you will gain more focus as you stop dividing your attention.
Phones have a tendency to be a ubiquitous cause of split focus.
We listen to our partner talking while scrolling through our social media feeds, our attention divided.
Our face is turned away from them when they are talking to us, not really focusing on what they are communicating.
Throughout the Bible, hiding and turning away your face is a sign of rejection or anger.
For example, in Psalm 27:9, the psalmist begs, “Do not hide Your face from me; do not turn Your servant away in anger.
You have been my helper; do not leave me or abandon me.”
When you turn your face away from your spouse and towards your phone, your spouse may perceive your divided focus as rejection.
The book, 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You, admonishes, “Dividing attention is a typical expression of disdain.”
Steve Call’s book, Reconnect, affirms that gaze aversion and ignoring your spouse create a strong sense of disconnection.
Now that your phone is out of the picture, it may feel uncomfortable to not be able to hide in your phone.
Rather than running to other hobbies or solitary ambitions, make it a point to spend time with your spouse, look them in the eye, listen to them talk, and treasure their presence.
Take this opportunity to intentionally turn towards your spouse.
#6. Mental Margin
Another benefit of a digital detox challenge is the increased space in your mind. A mental margin is an important ingredient for creativity.
For example, Isaac Newton discovered gravity while he was in quarantine.
Why? Because he had mental space and time to breathe, ponder, think–and yes, be bored.
Although boredom can create a terrifying silence, try to think of it in a positive light.
Give yourself time to breathe and think and just be; give yourself some margin
#7. Create Real Memories
Be present with your spouse in real-life moments.
Tony Reinke says that “the richest memories in life are better ‘captured’ by our full sensory awareness at the moment—then later written down in a journal.”
You don’t need your phone or your Instagram profile to truly enjoy the sunset, the restaurant, or the tourist attraction; you don’t need the “likes,” comments, and shares to show you that your experience with your spouse is valuable.
Instead, look your spouse in the eyes, hold their hands, and turn to God in a prayer of thanksgiving for the water lapping on your feet, the gentle air caressing your cheek, and the presence of your loving spouse.
Write a descriptive paragraph about what you saw, felt, heard, smelled, and tasted.
Record the moment just for yourself, your spouse, and God.
Treasure a moment that doesn’t need to be photographed and shared.
#8. Create Meaningful Art
In his book, 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You, Tony Reinke said that art is “deep, thoughtful, original reflections that emerge from the place where creation and biblical truth meet your life and worship.”
As you digitally detox your marriage and step away from your phone, you will have much more time to think and ponder life.
Creative juices will begin to flow.
Make sure to express that creativity in art, music, writing, poetry, or other venues.
As an added benefit, use that creativity to show love and honor to your spouse.
#9. Remember What God Has Done.
A key theme throughout the Biblical narrative is that of remembering.
Psalm 103 begs us not to forget all the good things God has done.
Deuteronomy 8:11 is a plaintive plea to remember God, even when your life is full of good things and sensuous enjoyment.
In Hebrews 13:3 and Colossians 4:18, God tells us to remember those who are suffering for Christ.
Deuteronomy 8:1 tells us to remember his guidance and the way he tests us and shows us his character.
In other words, one of the most important functions of our God-given minds is remembering our Lord.
Digital media is designed to mold and shape the way we remember, think, and desire.
Facebook reminds us of birthdays, photos we posted three years ago, and posts that were well-received last year on this date.
It reminds us of the friends that it believes we love the most. Incessantly, Facebook reminds us that it “cares” about us.
Now that you have decided to quit social media for a while, you are free to form your own memories and shape your mind according to your own values and desires.
Make a list of the most important dates that you would like to recall: birthdays, anniversaries, and meaningful occasions.
Journal about things you are thankful for and ways that God has answered prayer so that you can look back later and remember on your very own, precious memories.
#10. Choose Your Own Path
Social media gurus and online sales technicians are working overtime to direct your train of thought, your purchases, your thought patterns, your memories, and your mind.
As you choose to let go of your phone and the online world for a while, enjoy the freedom of choosing your own path. Think your own thoughts, ponder your own ideas, and interact with your own choice of people.
#11. Turn OFF Notifications
Consciously disable or pause notifications for text messages, WhatsApp, Instagram, FB for a chosen amount of hours. You can choose between 6-8 hours, not just 1-2 hours.
#12. Out of Love and Respect
Love and respect are the basics of marriage. Respect is an important sustaining force of any relationship and should be reciprocal.
Every partner interested in the happiness and longevity of their relationship should care enough to know when to unplug the phone.
Caution; sometimes you can’t turn everything off completely if you are the first responder to your spouse, children, or parents. You get the idea though, RIGHT?
The main point here is to be wise and to not allow the digital craze to creep in as a Satan and mess up your relationships.
Just placing a curfew on your devices, say after a certain time when everyone is home or in a safe place can be beneficial to your overall relationships.
As you put these tips into practice, you will discover a life that is infinitely richer and more beautiful than the life behind a screen could ever be.
You will likely come away refreshed and ready to engage the online world in a more intentional way.
If you enjoyed the detoxed lifestyle, you may even decide you don’t want to go back!
No matter what digital choices you make going forward, make sure to never stop enjoying new memories with your partner, looking into people’s eyes, and listening deeply to what they are saying.
Never forget to think your own thoughts and spend time with the Lord, one-on-one. He is the one who will help you make careful, intentional choices and live your life with purpose as you digitally detox your marriage.
Have you had a digital detox before? If so, how was it? Please leave your comments below. I’m sure someone will be blessed by your comments.
As always, I’m sending lots of love, positivity & blessings your way………..♥
You may have seen the catch phrase, “It’s the small moments that make life big,” plastered in a sentimental scrapbook or posted beside a baby photo on social media.
But have you ever taken the time to think carefully about the truth behind this statement?
We often work, labor, and stress to achieve the great moments: a vacation, a college degree, or a great milestone.
But we don’t often take the time to realize that each and everyday experience with our friends, spouses, and children are the stuff of life.
It takes more than just love to keep any relationship, especially a marriage relationship, strong and healthy.
Without the little gestures and consistent, persistent prayers, the big achievements will have no significance.
Click here for the enchanted 4-sentence prayer can give you boundless blessings in 7 days! Transformational!
Be spontaneous. Avoid being predictable.
Here are some small steps and gestures you can try every day and often to show your spouse that you love them.
These small gestures can save your marriage relationship.
They are simple and practicable.
Moreover, these gestures don’t take a lot of time or money.
Some of them will take just a second or two of your time.
It’s simple, painless, and a free way to improve your quality of life and your marriage relationship.
Show that you are truly happy to see him or her.
Take the time to smile. It’s one of the small gestures that matter.
2. Say Thank You
A married couple with nearly forty years of experience shares that one of the most meaningful small things/gestures in their marriage was thankfulness.
The husband thanked his wife for daily chores and small tasks she performed for the family.
Daily, he thanked her for the delicious meals she created.
By example, he taught their children to cultivate a habit of thankfulness.
Saying thank you is another example of small things that make a big difference in any relationship.
Often we get too comfortable in a marriage relationship and start taking small things like saying thank you or showing gratitude for granted.
3. Ask Questions
Engage your spouse in meaningful conversations.
Show you care by asking about their day.
Do a simple online search for conversation starters for couples, then bring those questions into your daily life.
Don’t just rotate in the same ruts that you’ve always used.
Try to bring in new topics of conversation and learn something new about your spouse every day.
Pack a special food item in your spouse’s lunch box or show up at his or her work with chocolates or flowers.
Why not try tucking a love note into a lunch box, in a drawer, under a pillow, or even in your spouse’s shoes?
Listen to your spouse’s conversation and try to tune in to the small nuances that provide clues to the things they like and dislike.
Then surprise them with a small gift “just because.”
It will bring a smile to your loved one’s face and help sustain your marriage relationship.
5. Love Texts Can transform a marriage relationship
Sometimes the most powerful small things include showing that someone remembers you.
Show your spouse you are thinking of him or her by sending him a love note or prayer by text!
Send him or her a message during the day, letting them know you are thinking of them and praying for them.
Remember the events that your spouse has scheduled for the day and ask how those things are going.
Colossians 3:12 says, “Clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”
Showing your partner you are thinking of him or her is a way to demonstrate kindness and gentleness to one another.
6. Simple Touch
Simple touch means a brief, playful touch that brings connection.
Pat their shoulder, caress their hair, do a special handshake, or give a brief kiss or hug.
Do these rituals every day to enrich your life and your marriage.
Reach out and make the first move.
Show your spouse you care and want to connect.
Show you care. Every touch shouldn’t be for sex.
7. Create Daily Rituals
Every relationship should have rhythms and patterns of connection. These patterns lend stability to relationships.
Check in every morning over coffee. Hold hands and pray. Call each other at lunch time and check in.
Have special and specific times off social media and other devices. This is big one these days!
Take time each week to go over that week’s schedule and pray together over your week.
Daily bible based devotions together are great!!
A family that prays together stays together, they say.
Doing your rituals on a regular, recurring basis will help you and your spouse feel safe.
Becky Bailey calls these rituals of connection, “I Love You Rituals.”
She says that I Love You Rituals contain four ingredients: playfulness, simple touch, presence, and gentle eye contact.
While most of her I Love You Rituals are geared for adults connecting with children, partners can similarly incorporate the same principles into their interactions with one another.
Are you truly present with your spouse during that quick kiss?
Do you touch them gently, look fondly into their eyes, and express playfulness and joy?
It’s the little things that matter.
8. Respond to Your Spouse’s “Bids”
Steve Call says that couples are constantly sending out “bids” for attention.
Like a slight nose-scratch or cough from a bidder at an auction, some of these bids are subtle and hard to notice.
Nonetheless, spouses are constantly asking one another for connection in small ways.
It’s important to notice and respond positively to your spouse’s bid for attention.
If they hint at going out to eat, taking a walk, chatting about the day, or playing a board game, make sure you don’t brush off this small invitation.
Notice their “bid” for attention and respond with kindness.
If you’re not available right then, then make sure you schedule another time when the two of you could connect.
If you make a habit of dismissing or ignoring your spouse’s bids, she or he may stop asking, and your relationship will suffer.
9. Give Them Wildflowers
How about finding a small bouquet of lovely sweet peas, daisies, trumpet vine, or daffodils?
Wildflowers are a small but significant way to add beauty and love to your spouse’s life.
Even if not expensive, a small gesture like this shows your spouse that you took time and effort to show them that you love them.
Wildflowers is another example of small things that matter.
What are other things you think you can do to strengthen your marriage relationship?
10. Say “I Love You.”
Sometimes we assume that others know that we love them. But the words matter.
Many songs have been written on the importance of verbalizing our love.
Sometimes, we realize too late that we should have been more diligent about speaking love out loud.
Ron Hamilton’s song reminds us, “Life is but a vapor, quickly vanishing away. Wait until tomorrow, and your change may flee away.
Give a fragrant flower while its beauty still can charm. Give a kiss to warm the longing heart.
Say ‘I love you’ while the heart can feel. Say ‘I love you’ while the heat can heal.
Make a heart rejoice, give your love a voice. Speak the words while you can say ‘I love you.”
Unconditional love should be expressed every day.
11. Be a Good Listener
Proverbs 18:13 says, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”
Take time to really hear what your spouse is saying to you.
Be an empathetic listener.
Give them your full attention, make eye contact, nod, and ask clarifying questions.
Assure your spouse that they are important to you by listening to what they are sharing with you—even if it seems trivial.
Don’t be quick to provide solutions. Often your partner just wants you to listen.
12. Don’t Go To Asleep Angry.
In Ephesians 4, Paul puts limits on our anger. While anger is a powerful force that can sometimes be used for good, it has potential for great harm.
In this passage, Paul helps us understand helpful boundaries for our anger.
Ephesians 4:26 says, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.”
In other words, we are permitted to experience the energy of anger that helps mobilize us to do something about an unjust situation we care deeply about.
But God puts a 24-hour time limit on anger.
We are not allowed to sin in our anger through gossip, hatred, slander, selfishness, or revenge.
We are also not allowed to hang onto it for long.
Anger always morphs into something selfish and destructive.
God encourages people to deal with their anger before the sun goes down, so we do not carry it with us into the next day.
Sometimes, it’s not wise to talk about conflicts before you go to bed, since both of you may be stressed, exhausted, and in need of sleep.
However, aim to talk through your situation in that 24-hour window.
Seek peace and reconciliation as soon as possible.
Forgive, and don’t hold onto your anger.
13. Be An Encourager in your marriage relationship
Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another every day, while it is called today, so that not one of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.”
Life can be intensely discouraging, so don’t take for granted the importance of your encouragement to your spouse.
If you are running dry on encouraging things to say, just do a simple online search for encouraging quotes and words of encouragement for a spouse.
Then use them! Don’t miss a day!
14. Don’t assume anything in your marriage relationship
Mike Bechtle wrote the following commentary on the importance of not making assumptions:
“Someone said, ‘In the absence of data, we tend to make things up.’
That’s why it’s important to keep talking about hard issues. If we don’t, we won’t know what the other person is thinking.
So we start believing our made-up perspectives, imagining things that aren’t there and assuming they’re true.”
Seek to always ask questions, clarify conversations first, and believe the best.
Moreover, never assume you know what your spouse is thinking or what their motivations are.
Always ask! Don’t be a mind reader.
15. Spend Time Together, but also Spend Time Alone
Sherry Turkle, in her excellent book, Reclaiming The Conversation: the Power of Talk in a Digital Age, said, “Loneliness is painful, emotionally and even physically, born from a want of intimacy” when we need it most, in early childhood. Solitude—the capacity to be contentedly and constructively alone—is built from successful human connection at just that time.”
Avoid loneliness by prioritizing your spouse and making sure they feel loved, cared for, and listened to.
Go on dates and prioritize one-on-one conversations away from children.
Similarly, have a healthy balance between alone time and together time.
16. Accept Each Other
Romans 15:5-7 provides a beautiful vision of the church that can also be applied to marriage.
“Now may the God who gives endurance and encouragement grant you harmony with one another in Christ Jesus, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring glory to God.”
God, therefore, encourages us to see a vision of oneness, harmony, and unity. Praise to God.
However, in order to reach that point, we must accept one another.
Your spouse may have a different personality than you do, for instance.
He may have different likes or dislikes. She may also have quirks.
But successful marriages must be based on unconditional love and acceptance.
Understand you are not perfect, therefore your spouse cannot be perfect either.
You are both “work in progress”. Two imperfect people striving to make it by the grace of God in an imperfect world.
Show your spouse that you truly delight in him or her, just the way he or she is.
The Bible says it’s the little things that matter. “For who has despised the day of small things?” God asks in Zechariah 4:10.
The Lord God says that the tiny mustard seed can grow into a giant tree (Mark 4:10).
A tiny bit of yeast can spread through an entire lump of dough (Matthew 13:33).
On the flip side, a tiny negative word of anger or hatred can spread, causing great destruction and devastation (James 3:5).
In conclusion, it’s worth our time to make sure that the small moments in a marriage relationship are healthy, beautiful, and nurturing to our spouse.
It’s not the heart-stopping moments of romance, the breathtaking honeymoon destinations, or the great accomplishments that make a marriage successful.
How Do I Make My Relationship Stay Strong – 16 Ways
